Morning Scars
by DaughterOfSorceress-Lion
Summary: Twilight AU: At the age of 8, Bella Renee and her boyfriend went to L.A. for a week. That week myth became reality. Durring lunch on her first day at Forks High School they catch her eye. Her savior. Her blood drinking savior. She stares, He stares back.
1. Prologue:The Night Vampire's Became Real

AN: My first bit of Twilight fan fiction, It hit me and had to be written, normally I stick to gaming, but… R and R! Please!!!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.

Summery: AU: At the age of eight, Bella, Renee and her boyfriend went to L.A. for a week. That week, myth became reality. Now Bella's moving to Forks to live with her dad. Her first day at school seemed normal. Until lunch… He saved her, then she thought he was going to kill her, then others intervened in L.A. Now she's staring at them, and they're staring right back.

**Morning Scars**

Prologue: The Night Vampires Became Real

BPOV: age 8

Mom was on one of her newest phases. It required a trip to an L.A. mall. I don't know quite what it is that she was looking for, she didn't tell me. But Mr. "I'm Your Mothers Boyfriend Squirt, Go Away." had told me once again to get lost, when mom wasn't in hearing range. She was shopping at some crazy vitamin/herb/health store, so I figured… I won't wander far. It was in the mall after all. But I was eight. I was small. And I was lost. I kept looking for a map, asking directions… did anyone here know English?

I hadn't realized it was so late when I reached a door and saw the night sky shimmering with stars. Earlier, it had amazingly been cloudy, but now… I looked through the glass staring at the sky, wondering, as I often did as a child, if humans were alone. My stomach growled and I was about to follow the smell of grease to the food court… I turned around. I saw a very scary guy, a large guy. I was a very, very small person, and he was grinning. It wasn't a nice welcoming grin, it was a… malicious grin, I think that's the right word, I haven't read the M section of the dictionary in a while. Eight year old, dictionary… yeah, get over it.

Regardless, I didn't like how he was looking at me, so I started sprinting towards food. Did I mention I was small and eight, and had very short legs. I wasn't looking where I was going and slammed into a very stiff… something. I looked up, it was a different guy, with that same creepy grin pointed at me. I took off… at least, I tried. The guy grabbed me and covered my mouth with his hand. I screamed, I licked… ew… and finally bit his hand, while kicking and squirming away. But that other guy came up, and three more behind him. No doubt my eye's held terror. I saw the news. I wasn't stupid. I didn't have a chance… what did I have to loose…

My mom, she needed me. She needs someone to keep her in check, make sure she gets her mail, pays her bills, doesn't get scammed by an idiot guy who thinks they can pull they wool over her head. But that's the thing. They _could_ pull the wool over her eye's, but not mine. She needed protection. I couldn't die, not at eight.

But things were not looking good… no things were looking bad… very, very bad.

The five had managed to take me outside through the door I had been staring out of just moments ago, how anyone had missed my screaming, I really didn't know… then again, I didn't know how late it was, or if anyone cared. It was dark… we were outside, no one was around… I was going to die. They were going to hurt me… maybe they'd traffic me rather than kill me. But death would be so much more preferable than being used… like that. But that was selfish, preferring the easy way out, selfish to think the easy way out was death…

I was slammed roughly into cement. I was pinned against the wall in some corner or nook outside the mall, were we even there anymore?

My energy was dwindling and my struggling became less. Then the most excruciating pain hit me and could do nothing more than gasp, then scream out in pain. Long drawn out pain. I could feel hot liquid pouring down my left arm, the entire arm was throbbing. It hurt so bad, blood pounding in my ears. I almost would have missed the four screams. The creep attacking me obviously too caught up in the thrill of causing agony, had missed it.

Then he was off me, I fell to the pavement with a loud thud. My head hurt from being slammed into the wall, now my tailbone hurt from the curse of gravity that I considered my arch nemesis… It almost always won. I slowly blinked trying to focus, despite the blood loss. There was enough light from parking lights to see my savior, who had his teeth secured on my attackers neck. He had beautiful hair, glorious and very pained eyes almost disgusted at what he was doing… which was what, exactly? I observed my surroundings fuzzily as the savior killed the attacker. Four bodies lay splayed in odd positions in a fifty meter radius. No human could do that. No human drank…

My savior lifted his head from my attackers neck. He looked pained, and severely confused. Then I saw his eyes, the locked with mine in the dim light. His eyes were red, very, very red, and extraordinarily pained.

His eyes began to change, no longer were they red, they were swirling black. He dropped the body he held and with a look of defeat he… transported ten feet and kneeled beside me. He took my bloodied arm and began… l…licking, uh… up my a… arm. So quietly I could barely hear it,

"I'm so sorry" he said. Such a beautiful voice, such a wonderful smell. I was loosing consciousness I knew. Then I heard more angels more commotion as my eyes fluttered closed. Suddenly, he was gone, he wasn't touching me anymore. My eyes shot open at the loss. I saw seven Two Men were holding my savior back, he was struggling to get to me. I wanted them to let him go.

Then a beautiful life size Ken Barbie doll stood in front of me. I was going insane, I hated Barbie's. everything was fading so quickly. My arm hurt so much.

"Your going to be all right, we'll get you to a hospital" I believed him. I faded. I blinked.

It was day. I was in a hospital bed. My mother was alone, her tears evident, though I knew they would not be just for me. This would always happen. She'd find someone, good or bad. Somehow I would do something, or something would happen that was my fault that would scare the boy toy away. I hated that I did this too her, but she could never survive on her own. At least, I didn't think she would… well anyways.

Then came my apologies, her apologies. Apparently someone had called her cell phone, anonymously, and told her, that I was in the hospital. Must have been one of those… The night came back swiftly. My beautiful and pained savior… I never said thank you.

Then Renee… MOM… Then mom chose me over the boyfriend… thank you. One moment I was in the store, the next I wasn't. She said she searched franticly for me. Maybe she did, maybe she forgot… I don't know. But we were both safe, and I could be happy with that, even though Rick leaving caused her pain.

She'd get over it in a week or two… She always did.

* * *

AN: Intense????? This is the changed back-story. Why they were there in L.A.… whoever "they" may be… *cough* (obvious)… you'll just have to wait and see.


	2. Ch1: A through E

AN: Welp, got board at work again, this is the result… really wish I could bring my computer there, but that just doesn't work out so great at a deli, ya know? Oh and for those who don't know. Factor VIII is a natural clotting agent. Hemophiliacs don't have enough of it, so people donate blood and the Factor VIII is extracted and given to them when they need it.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight... Stephenie Meyer does.

A-E

_BPOV_

After that experience, I tore up, not literally, the libraries, the book stores, the internet… thankfully Renee didn't catch me on it, really, how would it look to see your eight year old looking up vampires? Some things I found matched, some didn't. He didn't have fangs… maybe it was just a creepy, REALLY strong guy… nah. He dressed like a normal human. His eyes, were red. In hind sight, I know I was cold from the blood loss, but he was colder. School was boring. Other kids said I was the freak, I didn't disagree with them. I have to admit I became slightly obsessed with Vampires for a while, but… it faded.

Though I did notice some differences. I think, maybe some of the venom got into my system, just not enough to really do much. He licked my arm, he didn't bite. The scar goes from my left shoulder and twists like a the red stripe on a candy cane. Two revolutions that… mans knife made. It went all the way down to the middle of my palm. The differences I noticed were these.

A. My body was always in a slight state of pain, not enough to stop me from doing anything, I was just always… achy. My arm that held my candy cane scar, as I called it… having a twisted stripe and having been licked by a vampire and all… hurt more than the rest of me. More specifically, when something exceptionally dangerous was about to happen, or someone exceptionally dangerous was around, my arm hurt even more.

B. I always knew when people were thinking about me, and generally I could tell if it was a lot or if it was just a thought in passing. It was like a compass in the middle of my head that would point in the direction of the person that was thinking about me. It felt somewhat like a magnet pulling me in their direction, the amount of the pull was based off of the strength and the length of the thought. I'm not sure if it was the weather but for the past few years it had always been stronger in Forks, but it wasn't a direction, it was just the feeling, just the pull to be in Forks.

C. My skin didn't tan, nor did it burn. It's almost slightly luminescent in the sun. The small trail the vampire's tongue made, was marked. It was even more pale than I was. That, and it had a funny glow in the sun. Needless to say living in Phoenix, where it was always warm… wasn't easy, people noticed. Light jackets were my best friend. Even in the sun, I could sometimes be slightly cold, that and the long sleeves covered my scar.

D1. I was still just as clumsy. But when I fell, I didn't bleed nearly as much as I used to. In fact, I scabbed so quickly, Renee had me taken to the hospital for blood work. Apparently my Factor VIII count was sky high, as was my white blood cell count. They put a nine year old on a children's aspirin regiment. I won't go into the fact that the rest of my blood stats were haywire.

D2. Also on matters of blood, my heart beat slower than normal. That explained why I was almost always cold. This led to something similar to an anemic condition. What this meant? A doctors note, and no Gym. This was probably the best thing about it. Though I was put on meds that probably had nothing to do with the actual condition but… well… It's not like they were going to kill me.

E. Most interesting of all is what happened when I hit puberty, when my period started, I mean. Most people, if there's a large amount of blood they can smell the iron in it. But for me, All it took was a drop of blood and the smell of rust and salt hit me. It was so disgusting that I often passed out from it. My own blood tasted… well it really didn't taste like anything, nor did it really smell to me. Thank god for that or I would never survive. How another humans would taste? I don't know nor do I have any wish to know.

Because of these things… the things people can notice on the outside, anyway… I have been labeled the weirdo. No friends, no boyfriends, just Renee, and books… and now Phil. Speaking there of, they just got married. He's a bit younger, but so is Renee, for her age. Not only are they having a honeymoon phase, Phil is also looking around for a spot on a minor league baseball team.

Renee said I didn't have to do this, but they both need it. This way she wont have to stay with me, she can travel with Phil and have fun. Meanwhile I exile myself to the dreary town of Forks, where my dad lives. Chief of police, rides in the cruiser, lots of rain, lots of snow, lots of cold. Can it get any better? Note the sarcasm.

There's this little voice in my head saying danger, danger, danger. But I'm ignoring it. Yes it's the perfect place for a Vampire to hide, but no one's gone missing or been murdered or anything like that in a very long time, Forks is a small town, there are no secrets. What is there to worry about?

Renee half heartedly tried to get me to stay with her. But she wanted what I was giving her. But she didn't want to loose her baby. On the flip side, I really didn't want to loose mine. But she has Phil, and I trust him. She'll be fine.

The plane ride was uneventful. I use to have summer trips to Forks, even though I didn't like the cold, it was the one place I could look normal while wearing a jacket in the summer. Me and my dad never really did much. I was a lot like him. Quiet. He didn't hover, so I could get in some good reading time. I know he liked it when I was there. After I was old enough to touch the stove, I took over cooking duties for Renee, that way we both knew we were going to get something edible to eat. Same thing in Forks. I worried about him when I wasn't there, but I know he kept himself fed, whether it was nutritious…?

Anyway, the complementary pretzels were horrible. They used to have really good peanuts… but now it's pretzels. Nothing against salted twisted baked crunchiness, but I liked the peanuts better. Randomness… I know.

I saw him waiting for me as he did every summer… except this wasn't summer, this was mid winter. Consisting of Rain, Ice, more Rain, and Snow, and more Ice. The ride in the cruiser home from Port Angeles was also uneventful. Just companionable silence. My stuff was in two suitcases, though I still knew I'd have to go shopping… ugh. I didn't exactly have winter cloths. Let me rephrase. I had winter cloths for Arizona, I used those for my summer trips here. So I didn't have Forks, winter cloths.

_Welcome to Forks Washington. _

Charlie seemed like he wanted to say something, but I didn't press, him. He was like that all the way to the house, when he gave a resigned sigh. I saw a red truck, and old red truck, one of the sturdy ones that actually had a smidgeon of a chance against a semi. Billy's old truck. Charlie and Billy hung out in the summer a lot, they both loved to fish. The last couple of years they had been somewhat at odds, something to do with the hospital, but they didn't keep Jake and me from hanging out. When I was younger Jacob was just annoying, but I've come to find him as more of a younger brother, the kind you care for, love to terrorize, and love to dote on, on occasion.

"Are Billy and Jake here?" Charlie chuckled lightly.

"Nope."

"Then why is Billy's truck here?" Charlie got out of the car, I followed suit.

"Billy's in a wheel chair, and Jake isn't old enough to drive, so he sold me his truck."

"But you have your cruiser, why…"

"It's yours Bells." I was speechless, A + B =….? It wasn't processing. "It's your homecoming present of sort. That way you can go where you want, when you want. Just check in with me first, alright." There he spelled it out. It was loud, it was old, it was wonderful, I wouldn't have to use the money I'd saved up working this summer for a car after all. Neither Charlie or myself were good at expressing emotions verbally, before I could stop myself I was hugging him. Normally I'm not like this, but…

"Thanks dad." He awkwardly hugged me back. I saved us both from possibly more embarrassment by pulling away. It was getting late.

"Want pizza tonight?"

"Sounds good." I answered. We walked inside of the house. Nothing had changed other than a new school year picture was added above the fireplace. Tomorrow was going to be a pain. I was playing the new girl, a novelty in such a small town. They'd eventually figure out I was normal, ok not normal, but weird, and clumsy, and well… odd. But that's life.

Charlie ordered pizza, I opened the door for the delivery guy, he was getting soaked. It was raining again, as it always did. We paid for the pizza and tip, then ate in silence. I went up to my room. I had unpacked while we waited for our pizza, though most of it had been sent up before me, so there hadn't been much to do.

I grabbed my bag of toiletries to the only bathroom in the house… and took a short shower, glad for the warmth, letting it relax me. When done, I got in my pajamas and jumped in bed.

I was restless that night. The rain always did that to me. I always got used to it, normally a few weeks before I left for Arizona and School, but I'd be here longer. I'd get used to the rain, and the green. I'd get use to school, I'd get used to the Truck, the loud truck that Charlie got for me. I'd get use to it. Life would be boring as always… so why was I trying so hard to convince myself?

Somehow, I just knew that wasn't the case. My arm hurt more than normal, nothing good ever came, when it hurt more than normal. I just hoped, I'd be alive on the other side.

* * *

EPOV or APOV next chapter, haven't decided yet… what do you think.


	3. Ch2: Ending the Last Nine Years

AN: Sup people… yeah, I knew there were a lot of people in this fandom, but I guess I didn't realize just how many, until I actually started reading stuff and looking at review counts, and just how quickly many people update their stories… so I do apologize, but I'm getting ready to go to college here, soon. YAY! Small town girl goes to big ass college!!!!!!!! But as for updates, I'll make them as fast as I can.

Without further adoooooooooooo… EPOV and APOV… yeah, I just couldn't chose one, so it's both… sort of.

FYI sorry about this chapters formatting... it was being a pain in the ass.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight... Stephenie Meyer does

Ending the Last Nine Years

_EPOV_

Nine years. Nine years of agony. Nine years that Jasper and I had been at odds. Nine years I couldn't get that scent out of my mind. Nine years I couldn't get her taste out of my mouth. Nine years I had loathed myself. Nine years I had been debating every single hour of every single day, whether or not to find her. Nine years.

Nine years.

Alice told everyone we needed to hunt tonight, she didn't say why. Everyone accepted that, though Jasper thought it odd, but he didn't question her, he never did. If it wasn't for Alice, Jasper would not be here, he would not have to go through what I put him through. The moping, the self loathing, the loneliness, the thirst… for that little girl.

The memory reared as it so often did. I had managed to normally keep it down to once a day, lately I had been getting better at it, Jasper and I had been on better terms because of it, that and Alice wanted it. He denied her nothing, she was my closest friend, I hated making her sad.

Even though Jasper had been going through torture, no thanks to me for the past two and a half years at Forks, he had become more… able to resist his own thirst as he dealt with the memory of mine, so powerful, so incredibly sweet. Jasper's control had thus vastly improved, though the reasoning for the _need_ for that increase… I blamed myself, because… I was to blame.

I could stay with the Denali Family. But that would make Esme and Alice hurt. I couldn't do that to them, if they hurt, so would their husbands. Jasper I couldn't do that to, he assured me more than once that dealing with me was far easier than dealing with Alice not having me around. Esme wanted the family to stay together, so did Carlisle. He had been far too accepting of my mistake, draining that VILE human... But the moment Alice saw that little girl being hurt… I don't know what hit me, but I wanted… no I needed to protect her.

The memories came swiftly.

* * *

- Nine Years Ago -

_APOV_

* * *

We had finished hunting in the mountain's and had taken the day… that I saw would be unusually cloudy… and shopped. Rosalie and I had the most fun, Esme was more into shopping in the housing department more than the clothing department, so Carlisle and Esme were off doing their thing. Rosalie and I were shopping madly with Emmet and Jasper to carry our bags respectively. Edward was off at some book store, he was going to get a really expensive original classics set. That, honestly was more Jasper's reading, but hey, if the classics were about war, then so be it.

L.A. was so great, I had only been here once before during the daytime, though it was nearing twilight at the moment. It wasn't normally cloudy enough out for long enough to let us come out and play. There are so many stores! It would be really nice if they could transport L.A. to the middle of Alaska. That would be great. At least the clothing shops anyw…

_A little girl with brown hair and brown eye's was wondering the mall halls on her own, it was dark outside as she stared into the sky._

Jasper gave me a look as he always did after one of my visions. Really, that hunting trip did him good, he was getting the hang of vegetarianism, little by little. It wasn't the easiest thing going from years and years of war and drinking humans dry to a peace and drinking animals dry. But he was trying.

I gave him a look signaling it was inconsequential. It wasn't the first time I that I have had a vision of this little girl. It was rather odd, and strangely very, very important. Regardless it was time to drag Edward from his happy dust stacks and bring him in to carry leftover bags and whatnot that Jasper and Emmet couldn't get while still managing the human façade.

_Edward was carrying his own bag of dusty books as he walked towards the sound of their mental voices._

It was nice having a brother who could hear your thoughts with thousands of others hanging around… but only sometimes.

"Glad to be of service." Edward said sarcastically as I handed the rest of my bags, that Emmet and Jasper weren't already carrying, to Edward and grabbed the remaining bag for myself. We all congregated at our two cars, the Volvo and the Mercedes, so that everyone could come and there was plenty of room for everyone's stuff. The doors were open, we were ready to leave, it was night.

_A man had a little girl pinned to a wall, four men laughed in the background. It was that same girl. He was hurting her. Blood dripped from a knife. Edward… was there and…_

I pulled myself out of the vision prematurely… Vampires don't get dizzy, but from what I have heard of the experience, this was damn near close.

"Edward NO!" He was gone. I took off after him, the rest of my family followed.

--------

_EPOV_

_--------_

I saw that little girl, I saw the blood. There was no choice, no decision. My body was running towards her as if on auto pilot before I even recognized I was moving. It was a wall… a parking lot… a corner, how I found were I needed to be I don't know. But I heard their thoughts… a little girl. If I was human my blood would have boiled. The monster was here, I could not stop it, I tried… half heartedly. It was like my day's back when I had what was referred to as my "rebellious stage". I would rid the world of Evil.

The four men in the back were dispensed of easily, I wasn't worried about them. The blood, the smell, it hit me like a ton of bricks…so sweet, a delicacy. The monster had full control. I pounced on the wretch his blood filling me. It was confusing I admit, the monster was not happy and lost a little of its hold. What I tasted was not what I smelled. This man hadn't been bleeding, it was the girl… NO!

So easy, no one else was around. It would be so easy to take her small body and the small amount of blo… it was hardly worth the effort… the monster was relentless he didn't care for my reasoning. It was sweet. Far, far too sweet. Many humans, strange as it were thought of strawberries… smaller ones were always the sweetest. This little girl was by far, the sweetest. It wouldn't fill me but it would quench my thirst like no other, there was no choice because I had no control. I was trying… I needed to protect this girl. I needed to protect her from these men, that's why I had to find her, but now, more importantly, I needed to protect her from me!

The monster was persistent. The body before me was drained… I had slipped, Carlisle would forgive me, he always did. The girl was there frightened beyond belief, in pain, exhausted from the commotion ,and weak from blood loss. Small, and Sweet.

Savor the flavor. The monster reluctantly agreed. All the more time to save her… her flavor. The monster knew my plan, but was too far gone to really care. My tongue caressed her bleeding arm, from her wrist to the inside of her elbow. So… so, so, so sweet. My family wasn't here, surely they should have been here by now, I was fast, but so were they, surely Alice would see this… but they were going to be too late.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered as the monster drew back to bite her fully. Then her salvation came… her salvation from me. Carlisle was up front taking care of the girl. The monster was snarling viciously. But in my head, I was so very thankful. Jasper was doing well, so concentrated on calming me, he didn't pay much attention to the blood, the fact that we had just hunted I'm assuming helped some. Emmet, with his strength and his ability to think about… Rose, that was enough to keep the monster out of his head and thus any thought of escape.

Carlisle, Alice, Esme and Rosalie all went to the hospital. Rosalie… Controlling the monster had been taking all of my concentration, I hadn't heard anyone's thoughts, why would she go. That didn't make any sense, did it?

An eight year old girl, of course it did. What Rosalie could never have and what she had always wanted. A child. That child was attacked by five men. Saved, then nearly killed by me. I was and forever will be, a monster. The blood on the ground was cooling but it was still calling to me like the Siren called to sailors in ancient mythical worlds. It took all I had not to go lick the pavement as I had her arm. NO! I would not give in, I could not, It hurt too much.

I was in the Volvo with Emmet and Jasper. We waited. Alice called, everything had been set, Carlisle and Emmet… apparently Emmet had left the car and I hadn't noticed. Was I truly so far gone?… They had taken care of the five men and the cover story, and any thing that may suggest, vampire with a neck bite. I didn't care what it was. All I cared about was that little girl, a small girl. How could I hurt such an innocent. How could I even think it?

"Edward, stop berating yourself! You're being worse than I am when I slip, and You didn't even kill her!" Jasper was right, he knew I had no remorse for killing that man, but the girl...

Alice had come up with a cover story, something about a merry go round in the mall and a candy cane strip of metal on her arm… it sounded rather far fetched, but Alice was good at what she did. I didn't doubt her.

Rosalie came back thinking of way's to kick my ass, Esme had nothing but compassion for myself and especially for… Isabella, such a sweet name, with such sweet… NO!

----------------

Present Day

----------------

I ripped myself from the memories.

"Sorry Jasper" He replied as he always had, with understanding. For nine bloody years. How he could understand, I don't know, he had never really paid attention to flavor in the south, it was just food, just survival. Emmet said he knew the feeling, the memories of how he felt and the way that the two smelled to him had nothing on Bella, it was easier to call her Bella… my sweet… NO!

Like small wild strawberries. Small, sweet, leaving you wanting.

But Alice said it would end tomorrow, one way or another, it would end, my pain would end. But there were so many different parts to my pain, so the question was…

Which pain?

"Come on Edward, don't want to be late for School do you?" Alice was jumping up and down, tomorrow had become today. And today, in some way, the past nine years would end, and eternity would truly begin. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

* * *

AN: Hope It was worth the wait, sorry sorry. R and R!


	4. Ch3: Unforgivable

AN: Once again, sorry for the wait and I don't remember the class order specifically and my twilight book is hidden somewhere in the mess that is my stepsisters room, so forgive the inaccuracies… Please (give's you Alice's puppy dog look. No pun intended)

Disclaimer: Those in the twilight fandom do not bow to me… so, Twilight is not owned by me… sad.

Unforgivable

_BPOV_

Charlie had already left by the time I was up, I got ready and grabbed a pop tart. He had apparently gotten me a winter jacket because he knew my old one was rather small. A truck and a jacket… I wasn't use to being taken care of. But it was kind of nice… though that didn't keep the guilt away. Guilt of being taken care of, odd I know, but that's just me. My mothers middle aged child.

I hopped in the truck and followed the directions Charlie had given me. I didn't realize it was a school at first, it was more like a bunch of small buildings. It was the sign saying _Forks High School _that gave it away. I turned into the drive and followed the signs to the administrative building. I parked the truck, probably in a place for visitors, and went inside.

The name plate said Mrs. Cope. She looked up as I walked in and recognition lit her face. I had always had the ability to know when I was being watched, or thought about. I just kind of… knew, it had saved me more than once I'm sure. And right now that women was reeking of gossip. Lovely.

"Isabella Swan, isn't it?"

"It's Bella, and Yes"

"Here you are sweetie, this is your class schedule, a map with color coded routs for the fastest way between classes, and a sheet for each of your teachers to sign." I smiled at her and thanked her as I left. I moved my truck to the student parking lot… most of the cars were beat up like mine, except for a shiny silver car… I didn't particularly care enough to see what kind of car it was…

I memorized the map as best I could… I really didn't want to have to stare at it between classes, that just screamed, "I'm the new student". I didn't particularly like that kind of attention. I have always preferred the background, that way you don't get hurt. People don't try and become friends with you just to realize how weird you are. Then it gets out. Then your social life goes from barely existent, to non existent. So it's just better not to try sometimes.

The first couple of classes were all right. I met um… I met two girls, Jess… and ang… Angela, that's it. I'm really bad with names. There were a couple of boys that seemed to be following me around. It was rather unnerving. One was from the chess club, if Forks had one. The other was, Jock worthy or something. Why they were following me and helping me was beyond me.

I walked to lunch with Jessica. Got something for lunch, it actually looked somewhat edible. We all sat, me and the people who had been following me. I looked briefly around the room. Completely normal… Then I got that feeling when I know someone's thinking about me. I'd had it all day; everyone was thinking about the new student… but this was stronger. With an almost homing like feel my eye's came to a table in the corner.

My slow heartbeat quickened to a slightly above average human pace.

Choice one: Fly out of the cafeteria, go back to Arizona and stay with Renee and never come back. Who was I kidding I'd be dead before I left the school grounds.

Choice two: Stay in school, with people, they'd never get me alone… maybe they wouldn't care.

Choice three: They are here with a lot of humans, no one's been reported missing recently, so maybe I was out of my mind.

Then one of them looked up at me. There were five, two girls and three guys. One girl was blond, and beautiful beyond even an airbrushed picture of a supermodel. The other girl reminded me of a pixie. The oldest looking boy was rather buff and a bit scary looking. The blond boy looked rather distressed. And the bronze haired boy that was staring at me… he was beautiful, as all Vampires were. But he was beyond beautiful, he was angelic in a way I could not define.

His dark gold eye's bore into mine. And for a moment, I was an eight year old who had just been saved and was going to be killed anyway, by that stranger. The Demonic Guardian Angel. My Angel.

I heard Jessica talk about them… the Cullen's, she called them. I tore my eye's away from his and glanced down at the table and the food that I really didn't feel like eating anymore. I listened to Jessica and her explanation of the bunch. I translated in my head.

Three mated pairs of vampires (Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, as well as Alice and Jasper) as well as one unmated vampire… Edward, the one I had just been staring at, all under _one_ roof. What surprised me even more was that the Head of the coven was a doctor. Perhaps they stole from the blood banks so they didn't have to kill… There was no way they could get enough from the bank for seven vampires though, none of this made sense. No coven was that big. It was normally in one's, two's, or three's. Not Seven. Every vampire story that ever had a tint of accuracy had always stated their anti social independent behavior… seven would never work. Let alone they all exist at one permanent residence. It… it didn't fit!

But then I remembered his eyes. Dark, but golden, not red. That did not make sense. In all the research, all the folk lore I had looked into… never had I read gold eyes… It was always, always Red.

It was then my curiosity overtook the self preservation part of my brain. The part I would one day realize died when our eye's locked that first time in the cafeteria. I met his gaze once again. That mental tug in the back of my brain made me literally want to jump up and run to him… to them, I don't know, if it was more than one person thinking, more than one _vampire_ thinking. The feeling was so strong. It had never been this strong before.

My eye's did not waver from his, I don't think either of us blinked. And once again I was eight years old, barely awake with a red eyed male vampire with bronze hair, licking the blood on my arm, apologizing for his nature… It was him.

His eyes were liquid gold, instead of black and red, but it was him. His face was not one to forget; he still starred in my dreams sometimes…

My savior…

My blood drinking savior.

I should fear him for what almost came to pass, but… it must have been his family that stopped him, I'd have to thank them at some point, just as I would have to thank him for stopping those men in the parking lot… still I should fear him. However the only feeling I had at the moment was a strange sense of trust, of understanding, and… something else.

He was across the cafeteria, yet that something else… that connection was so undeniably strong: it was as if his thoughts were the hook, and I, the fish, with his eye's reeling me in.

"Sheesh, do you two need a room?" Jessica snapped me from my staring contest and I fleetingly realized with my last comparison that I've spent way too much time fishing with my father. I looked back at Jessica to see Angela giggling and some of the boys there were rolling their eyes. I blinked a few times.

"What?" I hadn't heard what she had said.

"Well it's just that you were staring, and that's considered rude in some cultures, I don't know what it's like in Arizona but…"

"The bell is about to ring." Angela interrupted her, saving me from more embarrassment. As it was, I'm sure I was already red as a tomato. Even with a slower heartbeat, I still manage to blush incredibly easily. It's horribly annoying.

The bell did ring shortly there after, and Biology class was next. Mike, the jock looking one, walked me, he had the class as well. I looked into the room; there was only one seat open. I gulped visibly and had my sheet signed by Mr. Banner, the teacher. I made my way to my seat, and unfortunately though not entirely unexpectedly, I tripped right in front of him. In that moment, he froze. He froze as no human could freeze, and somehow I knew that I had caused it. He had been perfectly relaxed around other humans until I was next to him.

He had apologized to me once before, doing what he thought needed apologizing for. I never had the chance to forgive him. But I didn't want to make things worse. So I stayed silent on my side of the table. And watched him remain still, unnaturally still. And then I watched him fly out of class as the bell rung an hour after I had first come in.

I didn't know if he would be back. But no vampire was going to chase me out of this town. Even if it meant causing one pain. My guardian… I caused my guardian pain.

Succumbing to one's nature wasn't something he should really be sorry for. But me causing him pain… that was unforgivable.

_APOV_

I knew not informing him would cause everyone to have Edward mood swing whiplash later that evening. But he needed to know that even unprepared he could resist. I had everyone go hunting last night. It would be easier on everyone when they weren't cranky from hunger.

Perhaps if they had never met before it would be a different story. I'd probably just be looking after Jasper's future not knowing the effect Bella would have on Edward. But we both knew… though he didn't realize he knew the new girl. He generally ignored the rest of the human drama as much as he could. But he would remember and he would go to class. There was no wavering decision. There may be in his mind, but the future held this life changing moment consistently. I suppose that might change as my visions are subjective. But no vision of anyone, human in particular, had been this clear. She would not die today.

Edward decided to look up from his food to give me a dirty look for singing Jingle bells repeatedly for the last three hours. Personally I liked the song. I looked at Bella who had just sat down and Edward looked where I did.

In that moment I stopped singing jingle bells as yet another of the same vision came, in a clarity only a vampire could understand. Bella would not die today. She tore her eye's away from Edward. When she released him, his eye's shot to mine, he recognized her… good. I knew he had also seen the vision. And we both new he couldn't read her mind. He was in too much of a frenzy to notice that she wasn't quite human. But he would notice later. It would make the future that much easier for him to accept. Who knows where his self loathing would have gotten them if she were completely human.

"You won't hurt her. Go to class. See for yourself." I smiled and knew that he would. I got up and dumped my tray leaving the cafeteria while Jessica said my name, explaining the Cullen family dynamic as the human world saw it.

Bella wouldn't notice, but before I left, I smiled at her. The first of many, many smiles.

_EPOV_

My sister is nuts. But I trust her. The eye's that had looked at me had first held fear, then curiosity. It was driving me mad. I'd ask her in class.

Oh yeah… Hi, do you remember me? I tried to kill you Nine years ago? That wouldn't go over very well I don't think. Then Mr. Banner noted in his head that Bella was going to come to class. I already knew that from Alice's vision, but still. My nerves were on end. She came into class and saw where she would be sitting. She didn't look directly into my eye's but just the same, I saw that same fear… then that same curiosity.

Then she tripped. The scent was mouthwatering. Just like it had been Nine years ago. And just like Nine years ago, I couldn't hear her, she was just an object to be killed. My throat burned… so did the pit of my stomach. So easily I could lure her out, her back against the wall, She would be pinned, I'd lean down, my lips to her neck…

My arms were no longer gripping the table they were wrapped around myself. Probably too fast for any human to notice, they'd just think they had blinked. The gasp for air was deafening to me, but no other living creature thought anything of my actions. I really was two different entities in this moment. The monster so desperately wanted to drain her. I… I didn't, I'm not sure what I wanted. The position… her pinned against the wall by me… both parts wanted that. But if not to drink from her, why would I possibly want to lure her away. The monster thought about how sweet she would taste, how sweet she had tasted.

But the monster would never, and could never have a chance at that taste again. I already knew that. I don't know how, but for the fact that the thought of killing her left me in so much pain that neither the monster or I could gain control of my body enough to move, kind of made the point hit home. I breathed deeply…

Bad Idea.

I sat motionless, something not natural for a human, but all the more for saving them. Everyone in this room, really. I could have no witnesses… I could not ruin what Carlisle had built for us… that meant not having to make sure there were no witnesses by not having an incident to be witnessed. I could not hear her thoughts. So I could not truly see her as a living being. She was just something that I could sink my teeth into. A sweet delicacy to be savored. Her soft heartbeat was slower than it should be, it was odd, but the beating of that heart…

NO.

Once again I sat motionless, keeping the monster preoccupied with plan after plan of murder… Each would surely haunt me even if they never came to fruition, and especially so if they did… but that wouldn't happen, I wouldn't allow it.

Sweet mercy came when the bell rang. I was out of that class room, probably faster than I should have been. I could not handle class right now… I needed to hunt and I needed to hunt now.

When no one was looking I made a mad dash for the tree line. I ran, I ran as fast as I could. I don't know exactly where I was but I found a small herd of deer. I drank two in addition to the blood I had in my system from last night's hunt. Just the same, the amount made me feel as if I could burst, yet my thirst still hindered my thoughts. My thirst for her… her blood, her body in my hands, whiter than she already was, almost as cold as me, dry…

I had been running, I had come to my meadow. My last thoughts sent me crashing to my knees. And that pain was my escape. The pain created by the thought of her dead and in my arms was so excruciating I could hardly register my thirst for her blood, though not the scent, never her scent. It was on me, barely. Her breath, just wisps of hair, I could still smell her, it wasn't just my imagination. I fell into that scent. I don't know how long I was there, but It was getting dark out by the time I came out of my self induced torture. I had acclimated to the light sent. It wasn't nearly as potent as she herself was, but I was more acclimated to it.

My phone vibrated. It was a text from Alice of course.

_Come home. I went to her house, I have a discarded shirt. Smell it all night and tomorrow will be a breeze… well, sort of._

With that I headed home.

* * *

AN: Again… I apologize for the wait, you should probably get used to it… Hope that doesn't scare anyone off though.


	5. Ch4: Pained Resistance

AN: Lots of Edward angst…. Hope you like! R and R

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.

Pained Resistance

_EPOV_

Jasper and Alice had left, they didn't need to go hunting, so I didn't know where they went or what they were doing, and I didn't want to know. But I knew that Jasper not being here, was in everyone's best interest.

That was the first coherent thought I have had in four hours. I knew that Emmet and Rosalie were still here, as was Esme, Carlisle was still at the hospital. When I walked in the door Esme wished me luck, Alice had told her to not freak out when I start growling in my room. I vaguely remember she had checked on me a few times just the same.

The silence of my own thoughts had not been broken by the thoughts of others for the past four hours… I try to stay out of their heads, but there is still always the background noise. The static that never goes away. The odd thing was, the static was gone, stifled by my overwhelming need, my need for her blood. Bella's blood.

How to accurately describe my need… It is as a plant needs the sun, as a fish needs water, as a human needs oxygen. But my need pale's in comparison to my want. How much I want her blood. I want it as an alcoholic wants alcohol, as a heroin addict wants heroin. It is not necessary to live, but it is amazing the things human's trade for such items. For such addictions, some humans prefer to give up shelter, some give up food, some give up both. But I would give up none of these. I would be able to drink her sweet ambrosia. Her red life would cure the aching burn in my throat. Oh how it did burn. Imagine sandpaper scraped down your throat, imagine swallowing the spiciest concoction you can think of there after, that pain tenfold is the pain I am in right now. I would be forgiven for my failure as the others have, as I was forgiven so long ago by Carlisle.

Carlisle.

I could not disappoint him, I could not loose my sense of dignity… not again. Not to this girl. She doesn't deserve death as I don't deserve life. Her eye's are old, but still naïve. The brown in the smallest of glimpses I had throughout lunch was not flat as so many brown eye's are. Her eye's led to answers, to her mind, to her heart, and to her sole. Her hair that hid her from me, it was so gentle, so soft looking, how I could run my fingers through that hair. How I could crush her scull with the slightest flick of my fingers. She was so very human, yet so enticing. My teeth the arrow, her neck the target. My venom, and her blood, two sides of the same magnet.

And as I was lying on my couch, her shirt to my nose, I realized there was a second possibility to my last analogy.

My venom, her blood. It was as confusing as the fantasy of having her pinned to a wall, I had entertained the previous day. Two possibilities, unsure of the implications. Why… Why was she doing this too me. She didn't make sense to me. Her silence. The silence that is so dangerous. It makes her surreal, inanimate, consumable.

As my body acclimated to her sent I immersed myself in my first fantasy, the second possibility.

She was pinned against a wall. My nose brushed her jaw line. My lips brushed down her neck past her pulse point. She was breathing hard, as was I. I looked into her eye's, and then my lips were on hers.

I stopped breathing as my eye lids flew open.

None other than Alice stood there with a smirk on her face.

_Ten minutes till we leave for School. Don't screw this up…_

I looked at her questioningly.

_I'd prefer if you didn't kill her._

I flew into the shower, keeping it short then quickly changed. As I sped to school it dawned on me that the first fantasy, the second possibility was not my own, yet it felt as if it could have been. It was Mike Newton's actually, and the thought that something that Mike thought was enticing to me, was absolutely revolting.

"Watcha thinking about Eddie?" Emmet's question and nickname usage was enough to break me out of my thoughts. We were at school, and we were all sitting in the car, and everyone was staring at me, and the haze wore off. Jasper couldn't help but note,

_Edward you're emotions are all over the place, is it the girl?_

I made slight eye contact.

"Yeah." I opened my door as everyone else did the same.

"Eddie?"

"It is of no consequence."

_Isn't it though?_

"Shut up Alice." We started walking in different directions, however unlike normal, Alice came with me instead of going with Jasper. She was translating again.

"Alice?" She stopped, so did I. I was looking at Alice when I heard her voice, it was actually quiet, but beautiful, as her name suggested.

"Will he be all right?" My head snapped up. She and Alice had locked eyes. Bella looked slightly fearful, and very curious… less fearful and more curious than yesterday. Alice was grinning and nodded her head. If I was human I'm sure my jaw would have dropped. Bella was on the other side of the courtyard. She nodded her head and walked to her first class, as did Alice.

_She knows Edward. She remembers._

I was standing still. More still than was natural, for a human. She was singing sixties songs now. That was enough to annoy me to just let her become background noise. I would make her explain at "Lunch." But for now, I would just go to first hour and wonder why Bella hadn't run yet. She should have. Until lunch I followed Bella the only way I could, through the minds of others.

_BPOV_

I had gone on a quick trip to the local grocery after school, wondering if they would be there tomorrow, and what I would do if they were. And if they weren't… I would do nothing. My list was short; Charlie had gone before I arrived knowing how I insisted on cooking, much to the benefit of the both of us. Charlie really couldn't cook.

I went home, little conversation passed between my father and myself… we didn't need it. We were both comfortable in silence. The days events had worn me out. I was tired and exhausted. The rain didn't help as always, but I knew I would acclimate. But what caused me to be restless last night, was the thought of them. What they would do? Not knowing was painful in a way I could not accurately describe.

So one restless night later, I parked my truck in the school lot. No Volvo. Why that hurt I don't really know, maybe it's because they'd have a chance at understanding me. Normal Humans… they just didn't, get me. Sooner rather than later, my novelty in the small town high school would wear off and all of this undeserving attention would fade into the background, as would I. I was nearly to my first hour when I… knew. They were thinking about me, and the feeling was so much stronger than what humans put off. It really was rather unnerving considering everyone in that car was currently staring into my back.

I heard doors shut. They were here, all of them. I refused to turn around to look. That was until a concentrated burst of… thinking, was sent my way. I could not refuse that magnetic pull and thus I turned around. My eyes zeroed in on the source… the small, almost Pixie looking one had a bright smile on her face. Edward, was looking at his 'sister' as I locked eye's with her. I just had to ask, I had to know if he would be okay, if I would be okay..

"Will he be alright?" His eye's were on my face in an instant as his sister nodded her head yes vigorously. I couldn't think strait, it was like I was one side of a magnet and they were the other, and I was resisting that pull with everything I had. I backed up and turned around, never meeting Edwards questioning eyes. He was thinking about me, even more so than his sister. What he was thinking about… I shuddered at the thought, probably my blood. But the Pixie had said that he would be fine. How she knew I don't know. What would have been different? I went throughout the day wondering that.

Lunch came eventually, and it was just the two that were thinking of me. I was pretty sure Edward was staring at me. As I picked at my lunch, not entirely hungry, Jessica couldn't help but note that he was.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you" I didn't want to sound cocky in any manner, but the next words to exit my lips weren't thought out, that was unusual for me.

"I know."

"You know!?" She squealed whispering. "How can you be so blasé about that… I mean, it's Edward Cullen."

"I know." With that I got up and dumped my hardly touched food in the trash and made my way to the girls bathroom. No one was there, I stood in front of a sink, looking into a mirror, wondering if the girl that was reflected had the guts to go to next hour. Or maybe he had switched out? I could switch out, I had already gone through the material…

"Don't you dare switch out of that class!" I turned my head, and in a second my back was against the wall waiting for her to eat me. It was irrational, probably. She just shook her head.

"I'm not going to bite you." she said with a smirk as a blond, I think it was Lauren walked into the bathroom and into a stall. Her strange humor was not lost, but I was too immobilized to laugh, even nervously.

"Neither is he, trust me, I know." I think my fear had calmed down then as she smiled sweetly at me. She turned around and left me there as the bell for the end of lunch rang. I walked out thinking, and muttered out loud.

"So, I'm trusting a Pixie Vampire… what next?"

* * *

AN: Sorry it's so short but Edward took forever to write and I just needed to post something, and this seemed an acceptable place to stop, so enjoy. Hehehehehehe, next hour is not going to be conventional hehe!


	6. Apology

AN: YAY, I know we all love them... I do apologize

I was reading some random Twilight fanfiction. I've come across OOCness, I try to avoid it but you come across it everywhere. But this was just soooo out there. I don't know why I kept reading it, but I did and I actually felt sick, that someone could destroy the basic fabric of the characters so much while keeping them in Meyers given Vampire/Human world. I started looking back over my twilight stories, I realized that I can recognize character traits... I'm good with sympathy, and empathy here and there. But I looked, and I can't write them correctly. It makes me really really mad and honestly... my twilight stories dont receive the time and effort that my other stories do, and I feel bad. I can't seem to continue without compleetly twisting and turning personalities to a point that disgusts me.

There is always a story to be told and I put Diamond Ashes and Morning Scars, out there, because there is a story. One I can't seem to write and be happy with. I'll still be reading and reviewing the stories that I have been, but I'm not sure I'll be reading much else in the twilight fanfic area... and given time I can see myself rewriting what I have and continuing. But untill then both of my twilight stories are one Hiatus. I apologize, I really do. I consider it an authors duty, once they begin telling a story, that the story be finished. I know that's not always possible, and there are good reasons for them all. Time the most common. But untill I feel I can give the stories the time they deserve... they will not be continued. I know it's sad, Diamond Ashes only has one chapter. I'd almost consider putting up an author auction, but it wouldn't feel right to abandon it like that.

I know I sound crazy and obsessed. They're just stories... I know. But that's just me.

So I just wanted to thank you all for the support that you have given me so far and apologize for not being able to continue at the moment. Seriously, thank you for spending your time reading my writing. I do take it to heart.

My sincerest apologies.

DOS-L


	7. Ch5: Tensions Rising

AN part 1: So I went back through all the previous chapters and revised them, they now flow much better, they sound more in character (I think, though Bella is slightly ooc, just from the nature of her encounter with the Cullen's as a child). You don't need to go back and read it if you don't want to, but things will make much more sense, now that I have everything in order.

AN part 2: So after several exercises (one of which I actually put up), I think I can now write this without hating how my writing turns out. I'm hoping to keep this thing as like a weekly thing… but we'll see how that goes.

Disclaimer: My mind is not the origin of Meyer Vampires... thus the Meyer preceeding Vampire... aka I don't own twilight.

Tensions Rising

_BPOV_

Silence, complete silence. That was how our little bubble would have been if not for the rest of the classroom. He wasn't as tense as he was yesterday, but he was still as far away from me as possible, as I was as far away from him as possible, but that just came with the territory… of not being eaten during class. But he surprised me, he initiated a conversation, breaking our tense silent bubble.

"Bella?" I looked at him in shock.

"Hm?" Was my short reply.

"You know?" There was so many things he could have been asking about, but considering I had asked… Alice, I think it was, well out of human hearing range and she had readily answered me… the answer to his question was a no-brainer.

"Yes." My eyes looked everywhere but at him and his glorious hair and gorgeous eyes, such details were for predatory purposes, and _Not_ natural selection. Regardless, he was staring, and thinking. It was incredibly uncomfortable to be under such scrutiny. I wanted to tell him to stop thinking about me; but honestly, how would that sound? It's not like I'm a mind reader.

I may not have asked him to stop thinking, but the need to snap at him to make my irritation known was too strong to ignore.

"What?" His eye's snapped to mine. We stared at each other for a moment, his mouth opened to speak… then it closed and he looked away as Mr. Banner came in wheeling a TV and DVD player on one of those nice School TV stands. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding and inhaled deeply as our Biology teacher introduced today's video.

"Alright class, Yesterday we started to look at Mitosis and Meiosis… today we are watching a wonderful educational video. It's a bit old and has great graphics… for when it was made." A few students chuckled at that. "Now pay attention, there will be a quiz on this right after the video finishes… I expect one hundred percent from everyone, It's not that hard if you pay attention, trust me."

Mr. Banner turned the movie on, then he turned off the lights… that's when things, changed.

Ever since I had moved back to forks, my scar arm had hurt more than normal, when Edward was next to me, it hadn't been any different… until the lights went out. My arms had been crossed on the table with my head resting on it, but as the opening credits ran, my arm began to pulse. It wasn't a painful pulse, but it started out as a tingly pulse, almost pleasant. I took my arms off cradling them against my chest. The feeling did not dissipate, it grew. About half way through class, my brain registered something beyond the pulse. The compass in my head was pointing directly to my left, towards Edward, and the magnetic pull immediately registered in my mind.

My eye's briefly flickered to Edward, his arms were in the same position that mine were, his hands balled into fists. He was looking sideways at me with a look of pure confusion, bordering on terror on his face. The pulse kicked up a notch. It was no longer pleasant, it was as if my arm was asleep… as if it was attached to the magnet in my head, and not being able to move was beginning to cause me abnormal discomfort. I put two and two together and I pulled my arms closer to me. The need to touch him was overpowering. I looked back to the TV without seeing anything; it was a good thing I already knew this stuff.

Each second was unbearably long, the painful pulse grew and grew and the need to touch him did not abate. I was horrified by this need… I'm sure my face now matched Edwards.

My arm was warm, it was cold, it held a thousand needles, it was being pulled away from me. I let out a whimper I had been fighting back. It was so very painful, water began to cover my eye's and the ability to see was out the window. I swallowed, unfortunately very loudly, fighting back yet another whimper, and then relief came.

He touched me.

His hand was on my face.

The painful pulse I realized no longer came from my arm, but from him, and as he left his hand on my cheek, my arms pain lessened. It was like we were a small electrical circuit and my arm was a resistor holding back the electricity until the resistor is bypassed. I don't know how long we were like that, but eventually I could see out of my eye's again and my heart had slowed down to its normal pace and my breath rate had stabilized.

Then I looked at him, and it was as if settling down had been for naught. My arm was back to the pleasant pulse that I also now felt on my cheek where Edwards hand lay.

"Thanks." I tried to smile, though I'm not sure if it came out looking like one. His eye's were smoldering as he nodded his head. I let go of my arm cradling position as I stretched out my hands. I had been holding them in fists so tightly my knuckles now hurt. His hand left my cheek and I gasped as the pulse immediately began to build again, only to have it release when his hand intertwined with mine.

It seemed a simple gesture, innocent… but it felt like so much more. I couldn't follow my own thoughts, it was like there was two of me going in two different tangents in my brain. One was full of fear and doubt, the other was full of… hell, I don't know, I've never felt it before.

I risked a quick glance from the TV to Edward again, like my eye's had a mind of their own. He was still looking at me, still thinking about me, still smiling at me, and I was still smiling at him.

His eyes left mine and I once again took in a breath, having forgotten to breath under his gaze, I'd have to watch that. My eye's moved from his face to the TV, only to see the credits running and Mr. Banner just about ready to turn on the lights. Edward released my hand the moment the lights were on. There was no pulse, my arm didn't even hurt anymore. As I turned to look at him, he was stiff as a statue, his hands once again in fists. He swallowed, and I realized that the pain was gone for me, but not for him.

Mr. Banner gave us our "pop quiz" it was easy even though I hadn't seen a bit of the movie. The bell rang, and Edward was gone. I swear his mood swings were going to give me whiplash. Mr. Banner collected our quizzes and I left for the library. Seeing as I was forbidden from taking Gym, I had a study hour. The library upon perusing it the previous day was seriously lacking. It was worse than the Forks public library, I hadn't thought that possible. The only attending librarian was happily snoring quietly at his desk chair.

I sat down about ready to pull out my trig when I felt a cold hand on my shoulder, I jumped out of my chair but before I could scream, yet another hand was over my mouth.

"Just me." She giggled. Ah, the pixie. She let me go and I turned around.

"Alice, right?" She nodded. She motioned for me to sit. Her smile was so bright, it was hard not to smile back. Sitting at the furthest table from the desk, she began to talk.

"Confused by Edward yet?" I laughed humorlessly.

"I've been confused ever since L.A." She nodded.

"I checked up on you, every so often, I liked your choice in Halloween costumes," Her amusement was more than evident. I had been a vampire, every Halloween, until I hit thirteen. That was my "trick or treat" cut off age.

"Yup, never wore the fangs." We both laughed at it. Though I was more than a little unnerved by how much she may or may not know about me and what I've been doing for the past nine years. "And what do you mean you checked up on me? Why?"

"Well, it's really a long story, you'll hear it eventually, but not from me."

"Eventually? As in I will be socializing with you in the future?" She sighed.

"I'm guess I shouldn't be surprised, you're far too observant for your own good." I smirked. In the back of my head, I was screaming at myself that I was having a semi-sort of casual conversation with a vampire. It was screaming at me to run, and I was ignoring it… and I didn't have a clue why.

"So, what exactly is it that you want to talk to me about?" I asked her, heeding the supposed need to make this quick.

"My brother's going to leave for a few days so he can pull himself together, but I just don't want you to think that it's your fault, because it's not, he's just overly theatrical and broods too much. And I also wanted to ask you…" She fidgeted with her hands, not looking at me, "I was wondering if maybe I could…" She looked up and my thought processes stopped. "Come over to your house after school today and meet Charlie that way it won't seem weird when you say yes to shopping with me in Seattle on Friday"

I couldn't do much more than stare at her. She had that puppy dog look, except, it was far, far worse.

"Okay." She squealed a quiet, high pitched squeal. Gave me a quick hug and ran, at a human pace, out the door, leaving me still thoroughly confused.

She was coming over tonight to meet my dad… that really didn't make any sense. I'd drag the answers out of her sooner or later… preferably sooner. I'd just have to play semi-human friend, until her "eventually", at least that's what I think I was doing.

---------------

AN: Well, watcha think? R and R


	8. Ch6: My Best Friend

AN: I haven't quite figured out where I'm going with this yet… but I'm getting there, until then, do enjoy Alice and her truly twisted sense of time… hehe! And I'm sorry my chapter lengths are so varied… it just depends what needs to get out.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight… though I'd be really rich if I did… however Stephenie Meyer is the one who had the dream… so she's the rich one.

My Best Friend

_APOV_

I had known she would say yes, but she didn't so I had to ask. She said yes, but she looked overly confused. I already knew that we'd likely be playing twenty questions, but before I went over to her house I had a few things yet to do, like try and convince my brother to stay even though it wouldn't work… Sometimes, you still just have to try, no matter the outcome.

I got in the passenger seat of the Volvo. He had Clair de Lune playing, it was his ultimate calm down music piece, though at the moment it would appear it wasn't working.

"Alice what in the world was that, why are you associating with her? And for the love of all that is Holy, why are you taking her shopping? She could…" I cut him off mid rant.

"I know what I'm doing. You don't." He looked at me blankly waiting for an explanation. He wasn't ready for that yet, but I could give him something. "The vision is still there, it doesn't matter if you leave or not." That just made him more agitated

"What vision! Just tell me Alice. Why are you hiding this from me?" Because I thought about it… and I knew that at this point, he would not react well to my news. His eye's searched mine, I saw him thinking.

"Regardless, you won't be gone long." I told him, turning away to stare out the windshield.

"Did you have a vision of this?" Of course I hadn't, he hadn't decided to come back yet… but some things were beyond decisions. Some moments in time were fixed, no matter what path you went down. So I told him the first piece of the puzzle.

"Some things happen no matter what you do Edward, there's only so much I can do. Unless you come back, she'll die." The future began to shift… no not now. I sang the national anthem in Portuguese in the front of my brain, and viewed the vision in a smaller compartment. It was fuzzier, but it was a place I had learned how to keep Edward out.

_The roads were icy… the color and the make of the vehicle kept changing, but the direction and the place of impact always remained the same. This time was different though. He didn't have to fly across the parking lot, he really was standing right next to her. _

_Bella was fine, the truck dented… I couldn't be sure of the other driver yet, they hadn't decided to speed yet, but someone would… Time decided that fact._

I looked back to my brother, letting my Portuguese go. I smiled at him. I just wondered when he was going to actually notice her. I hadn't specified a date, but he must have gathered I didn't mean from old age.

"Alice, of course she will, she's human." He could tell I was smug, the future had already changed, he was just fighting himself now. It had already started.

"If you didn't care about her pain why did you touch her in Biology?" I really don't know what set that off, it was incredibly sudden, hardly a decision at all. All I knew was that she whimpered in pain, and then he touched her and she relaxed. He sighed looking away from me, he didn't answer, so I let him in on a second piece of the puzzle.

"She's going to be my best friend and I don't want to wait for you to pull your head out of your ass to start hanging out with her." He snapped his head back to look at me. His expression was one of complete befuddlement. I started laughing, it wasn't often he was confused and the look on his face was priceless. He looked like a little kid who couldn't find his lost puppy. He scowled at me and my laughter continued.

"This isn't funny, she's a human."

"Your point?"

"Volturi."

"She already knows and to be honest shopping with Rose is nothing like shopping with Bella." He shook his head. He had settled down some, but he was still leaving. He just needed time to think, though what he really needed to do was talk to Carlisle, but for now, he needed to sort through his own thoughts out in the middle of nowhere, where no other thoughts could reach him but his own.

He sighed and remained silent until Rose, Emmett and Jazzy came out and got in the car. Jasper took in our emotions.

"What did you do?" it wasn't pointed to one or the other, it was just a general question. Edward said nothing, and pulled out of the parking lot racing down the street. Since he didn't answer I did it for him.

"Well, Edward needs time to think so he's dropping us off at our driveway because he's not going to come say goodbye to Esme because he's NOT going to be gone long. Just um… what's the saying…? Oh, yeah, driving there and back to see how far it is." He huffed in annoyance.

"Meanwhile Alice is going to go wrap the chief of police around her sticky fingers." I knew that one was coming. We were both getting incredulous looks. Edward stopped in front of our driveway and we got out.

"See ya soon!" I yelled. There was no response. I turned to face Rosalie's wrath. Before she could begin I jumped in.

"Rosalie, I know you think I'm insane and that we shouldn't be associating with the human… but tomorrow look at her. Really look at her." Edward was still within hearing range so I started running down the driveway. Before we got to the house Emmett asked me.

"What do you mean look at her? What's there to see?" I smiled.

"You'll see tomorrow."

"Alice." It wasn't a question. Jasper hardly ever questioned me, but I could understand his hesitance.

"She's going to be my best friend." I smiled at him. They didn't understand yet, but they would soon. I could so easily tell them, but it was better for them to find out themselves. But I did have to explain my own actions, even if they seemed pointless or even dangerous for the family, to the others.

When we got back to the house Esme was just getting off of the phone with Edward, I was glad he had taken the initiative to tell her, even if not in person. Carlisle would be next. I rushed to give her a hug.

"Don't worry, he'll be back soon." I let her go, she smiled at my assurance. "Oh, and when Carlisle calls can you ask him to pick me up at Bella and Chief Swans house when he gets off work?"

"Yes, though I must ask, why?" I never cut Esme off mid sentence unless I absolutely had to, she took care of us too much to be rude like that.

"She's my best fiend." I kept it short and simple, leaving everyone in the dark for a few days. As much as it annoyed them to no end that I did that, they knew that knowing the future could be an unbelievable asset as well as an excruciating burden… the same held true for reading minds, for Edward.

I kissed Jazzy, murmuring our love to each other before I left for an hour or so. I had never needed my own car before, but I knew asking Rosalie to use her BMW would be pointless and I didn't exactly want to show up to Bella's driving Emmett's giant Jeep. So I ran, I wasn't as fast as Edward was, but it was getting dark… the neighbors wouldn't know the difference. The door was unlocked so I entered… to the smell of human food. It was fairly disgusting. But I would endure, as would Edward eventually. I walked into her kitchen.

"Hi Bella!"

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_BellaPOV_

After Alice's impromptu self invite to my house I sat down to finish my trig. The bell rang letting school out. By that point the after affects of, whatever happened in biology had faded, and the ache returned, but it was just the normal ache the rest of my body suffered from. It was like whatever had set off the extra pain was leaving… like it had left. I wondered if the pain was because of Edward, Alice had said that he was leaving… it wouldn't have surprised me I guess.

I got home tired from the events, and weary of what was yet to come. I sat on the couch while the rain was gone and closed my eyes. I don't know how long exactly I had been out, it had been restful if nothing else, but I knew Charlie would be back soon and I wanted to cook up some of Harry's homemade fish fry for Charlie, I had found some in the freezer last night. I turned the oven on and put the fish fry in. I sat down at the table and rested my head against the table.

"Hi Bella!" I screamed and jumped up out of my chair hitting my knee in the process turning my surprised scream into a quiet yelp.

"Sorry. I guess I should have knocked, but your door was unlocked." I stared at her as my shock wore off.

"Yeah, that is a general common courtesy amongst the humans of America." She sat down across from where I was standing and motioned for me to sit down again as well. I did so reluctantly.

"First I want to answer the most important question, why our eyes are different colors." I nodded for her to continue, not sure how eye color trumped diet. "Well red eyes signify the normal human blood diet, our eyes signify an animal blood diet." I gaped at her, eye color explained diet. She continued.

"I know you have other questions, but I know that you're different. But I would like to know how? Or at least what you've noticed. Carlisle might be able to help you." That hadn't been what I was expecting. I had never told anyone else of my differences strait out before. I looked at her, she wasn't using her pleading look, she was giving me the option… to bare all my differences before someone who had a chance at understanding. I may know a lot about vampires… but I'm sure some of it's wrong, and I know I couldn't possibly know everything about them either. I sighed, giving in; that little voice in the back of my head telling me to run muted itself the moment my decision was made, I wondered if it would ever come back.

"Okay." She smiled at my answer, it wasn't hyper or smug or anything. It was just a smile, but it was a real one, a happy one. I decided I'd give her a summery, I give the full explanation to the doctor… good god I was already thinking about seeing the vampire doctor.

"I'm always in pain, whenever something or someone dangerous is nearby," I rolled up the sleeve on my jacket pointing to my scar, "this hurts more than everything else." She said nothing letting me continue. I rolled my sleeve down, opting to just take the jacket off. "As you can see I'm rather pale, I don't tan, I don't burn, I'm always cold. I avoid the sun as much as possible, and when I have to go out I cover as much as I can, and sometimes put makeup on, and," I couldn't say his tongue, it just didn't sound good, "where the venom touched my skin well you can see the subtle difference." She looked at me confused. That was one thing I had never gotten, I hadn't come across anything saying vampires do anything other than burst into flame when the sun reaches them, yet it's not like I got warm. She must have seen the contemplative look on my face,

"We don't burn in the sun, but we can't go into the sun with humans around either." She smirked at some thought.

"Well I tend to glow, it's not that noticeable, but as my mother put it I look like a mirage." I couldn't help the smile that came across my face at the memory. I was ten, the pain wasn't bad as a child, not that it was bad now, but it was worse. My mom and I were at a beach and I couldn't tell why people were staring at me. My mom took me home sooner than we were planning and I complained. That was the only time we spoke of it. She knew I was different, but she didn't question it, except for the blood, that had scared her.

"Bella?" She pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry. The next thing is my blood, I'm sure the good doctor will likely want a sample, if he looks up my records he'll find I'm on an aspirin regiment to thin my blood to prevent clotting and I don't have gym because I have an abnormally slow heart… and in general my blood stats are… off." not to mention the smell of it disgusted me. It looked like she was looking past me, but then her eye's met mine.

"What does blood smell like to you?" I smiled, I almost wondered if she could read minds… maybe reading minds was a vampire thing.

_Can you hear me?_ she looked at me expectantly, regardless, I'd be more careful; god I was paranoid.

"My own blood doesn't smell like anything, but others smells like rust and salt, it is utterly disgusting. Whenever I smell blood I generally either pass out or heave up anything that's in my stomach."

"Huh." She was looking past me, thinking again.

"What?" Instead of answering me she asked me another question,

"What about when people think about you, you seem to be able to pin point anyone who's thinking about you."

"Yes." I guess she would have had to have known in order to get my attention today. Because she thought about me to get me to turn around. "It's like a compass pointing to anyone thinking about me, and there's like a small magnet in the middle of my head that pulls me in their direction and the strength of that pull depends on the length and the content of the thought, I guess… I can't actually hear what people think." I had to ask her.

"No I don't read minds." She answered before I could ask. I blinked at her.

"I get glimpses of the future based on peoples decisions, it's all very subjective. But some things are set in stone, some things don't go away. I see us being best friends, I know you hate to shop, and this weekend I'm going to take you shopping for a very much needed, expanded winter wardrobe. Don't worry about prices and places. I know you'll feel uncomfortable with me, let alone a stranger buying things for you, but Bella, from my perspective, you're not a stranger. So please come shopping with me?" She was actually asking this time. She wasn't even giving me the puppy dog look, she already knew I was going to say yes then? That was so confusing, decisions… people change their minds all the time. I heard the cruiser pull up into the driveway. I grabbed my sweater and put it back on.

I should be screaming into the night in fear and confusion and utter disbelief. But that part of my brain was still on mute, the part that would make me question her word. Honestly, the answer shed some light on her behavior. The only thing I didn't get was why she was trusting me so openly, regardless of our "future friendship"… Shopping may be horrible but it would be more time for questions, and maybe shopping with her would be less stressful than on my own, or with Renee. As for buying stuff for me, I had extra money saved up from working the previous summer and I hadn't needed to buy a car, so she wouldn't have to buy me anything.

"Alright, but you're answering my questions." Especially about the tingling in Bio, I wondered if she'd see that one coming… probably. She smiled that happy smile again, it was calming, strangely. The door opened.

"Bells, is that Harry's Fish Fry I smell?"

"Yup." I smiled at his enthusiasm. I had been pulled into a few fishing trips with him down to LaPush in the summer, but I couldn't imagine going down this time of year, but I was no fisher. Biggest thing I had pulled out was a giant clump of seaweed, but it was still good dad/daughter time. It didn't require much talking, just spending time together. I checked the time and realized that the Fish Fry should be done. I got up and opened the oven. He walked into the kitchen as I was taking it out.

"Oh, um, Dad, this Is Alice Cullen. One of my friends from school." He looked at me funny. Part of the small amount of conversation we had at dinner last night was about how I was adjusting to school. I had mentioned Jess and Angela, but not Alice, and it was the only he second day of school, I really didn't know how to reason with him about that. So I left it to Alice.

"Hey Chief Swan, Carlisle will be picking me up shortly but I just wanted to come over and make sure it was okay with you that Bella and I go shopping in Port Angeles after school on Friday. We both have last hour off, and I promise to have her back well before midnight." That was funny, I could have sworn she said Seattle earlier. I could see her using her puppy dog look on my father. He was… dazzled, that was the word for it; Dazzled.

"Yeah, sure that's fine, and call me Charlie."

"Okay, thanks!" She leaned up giving him a peck on his cheek eliciting an immediate blush from him. "Oh, that's Carlisle right now." I heard a car pull up by the sidewalk. She turned to me, "See ya tomorrow Bella!" She gave me another quick hug and left me and my dad standing awkwardly in the Kitchen.

"The Cullen's are good kids, haven't had an ounce of trouble with them." I nodded as I got the plates out for dinner. I smiled internally, good kids indeed.

"Doctor Cullen is a great man, probably a medical genius. It's a good thing his wife wanted to live in a small town. He's saved a lot of lives." He said it calmly but gruffly. I didn't ask why, though his reaction did surprise me some. I wondered how many years of doctoring the vampire doctor had under his belt. We sat down to dinner and Charlie stabbed a fork in his fish, then he stared at it.

"You hate shopping." He looked at me.

"Well, I was planning on going anyway, I do need some more, weather appropriate attire." I had thanked him for the coat when he got home yesterday, but new coat aside, Alice was right, "and I was going to go book shopping as well." He nodded his head, swallowing my reasoning, but I felt compelled to add, "that and Alice can be very persuasive." He chuckled at that. The rest of dinner was eaten in a comfortable silence.

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AN: Hope you liked it. Next chapter is either brooding edward or shopping with alice. I can't decide... yet Alice is telling me brooding edward will show up before she shopps, I haven't a clue what she means. Oh well, R and R ^_^


	9. Ch7: Like a Little Boy

AN: Sorry for the mega-lateness… I got sidetracked with another fic… I do that a lot it seems, meh. Anywho, Brooding/Destructive Edward alert ^_^ Enjoy his confusion. I did ;-) And I realize this is the shortest chapter ever… but If I put anything else in it… It just didn't work, so next chapter should be up soon, hopefully.

Disclaimer: Do I look like I'm Stephanie Meyer…? NO! I don't own twilight… dur.

Like a Little Boy

_EPOV_

_Punch… Crack… Crash…_

I didn't make it to Denali.

_Rip… Whoosh… Smack…_

If I had tried, I would have undoubtedly ruined the Volvo.

_Punch… Crack… Crash…_

I parked it on the side of the road, somewhere in Canada.

_Rip… Whoosh… Smack…_

I ran.

_Punch… Crack… Crash…_

I ran as fast as I could, as far as I could.

_Rip… Whoosh… Smack…_

And then everything boiled over.

_Punch… Crack… Crash…_

The clearing was half a mile wide already.

_Rip… Whoosh… Smack…_

Punch the tree… The wood Crack's… The trunk Crashes to the ground…

Rip the roots and the stump up… Throw the stump… The stump Smacks into the ground…

I needed to stop, but I didn't want to. For once in my life I just let everything out. The pain, the anger, the hatred, the fear, the sorrow, the suffering, the loneliness… the girl… Bella.

The clearing was nearly perfectly symmetrical and three quarters of a mile in diameter. All that was left was the snow and the dirt and a few pieces of bark here and there. I was in the center apprising my work, barely noticing it as I wallowed in despair. I fell to my knees shaking in anger. I let loose a sobbing growl that echoed off the nearby mountains silencing any wildlife within at least a thirty mile radius for a small moment of quiet.

I curled into myself, letting my dry sobs out quietly against my knees. Why did my chest hurt so much? It didn't make sense to me. What were all of these emotions? Why was I so confused? Why wasn't there a single path that made sense? It's as if that little girl came and ruined my life. Making me question myself and my control. Then she comes back, and she does it again, and she sends me running… running like a little boy. I lifted my face and let out another ear piercing scream. It echoed, and then there was complete silence.

It lasted only a moment though for it started to snow. The flakes fell through the air making the slightest 'wisp' sound. Then each flake fell against the snow on the ground or the dirt, making the smallest of 'clink' sounds. I focused on that, on the small crystalline sounds that made this nowhere seem peaceful yet not empty.

I picked a flake out, about a quarter of a mile above my head and watched it fall to the ground. It was a simple six point flake, but the detail was so small, so intricate, so delicate, so beautiful. It could have landed anywhere, but this one flake fell to the tip of my nose making it's mandatory nearly silent 'clink'. It didn't melt as it would on a human, so I took it off and laid it in my hand to examine it further. As I was looking at it, another flake landed in my hand, it wasn't the perfect six point of the other flake, it was slightly deformed in comparison, though it was larger in stature than the other.

What was lacking in perfection made up for it in size, and what was lacking in size made up for it in perfection. But there were large perfect flakes, and small deformed flakes. There were flakes of every kind… but only perfection met my fancy. I sighed and fell on my back into a patch of snow left white, watching the snow flakes fall from above.

The sun fell, and it rose, and it fell. I did not think… about anything. Not her smell, not her voice, not her face, not her pain, not her eyes, not her, not Alice, not anyone. I blinked, then I let my eye's remain closed. And who should I see behind my eyelids other than the girl who chased me from where I want to be. I kept the anger from swelling again. It would do me no good. I needed to think this through clearly. I needed to hunt.

I stood up and smelled the surrounding area. No humans, but there was a mountain lion nearby, and a heard of deer… I was still quite full, over full really from the past two days, but I needed more. I made quick work of the lion, but I savored it, drinking it in as slowly as possible. Savoring the relief the burn in my throat felt as the blood slid down it like aloe over a human sunburn. I was so full, I couldn't finish it, but finish it, I did. I destroyed the body and I fell to the ground with a feeling much like the stomach illness described in medical school. But unlike human food, blood had no way up. Once it was down, it was gone, absorbed, compressed, transformed… venom.

Venom from blood to take more blood to make more venom… such a useless cycle.

I lay in the snow facedown listening to the snow once again fall around me. The peace that such a filled silence brought me was strange, it always had been. It wasn't complete silence, but it wasn't filled with the bickering of the minds around me. Just me, my mind, and the snow… alone… lonely.

I closed my eyes and her face was in front of me. Her nearly silent by human standards yet incredibly loud to me, whimper of pain echoed in my ears. The strange pulse that ran between us, drawing us together, driving us to touch the other. It had lessened her pain. The relief was visible, and the moment I let go, the pain began to build again. I didn't understand it. But… it made me run away like a little boy, afraid of the unknown. I guess in a way, I was. She was unknown. My reaction to her pain, my reaction to her in general wasn't logical, it wasn't sane. Her scent drove me mad, her silent mind made me crave her voice, her answers, her beauty was in the extreme for a human. And by some nature I found her attractive, where all other women had hardly caught my eye. I could appreciate beauty, but I'd never craved it until I met Bella for the second time.

She was overkill for me… just like Vampires were overkill for humans. We had strength, speed, a natural paralysis drug, we had our beauty, our scent… human's didn't stand a chance.

I didn't stand a chance.

If I went back, I had the slightest of feelings it would be the equivalent of letting myself be led to a slaughter house. My end was near, and it was because of this girl. But this was all if I went back. Alice could still have her human friend for a while if I didn't go back, but…

If I didn't go back, she'd die before her time, so says Alice. Death for such an innocent creature… it happened all the time, but this thought hurt. It made me want to roll up in a protective shell and hold her inside with me and never let her go. I wanted her in my arms… I wanted to keep her safe…

Why?

The sun rose, the sun fell, I had to talk to Carlisle, I was getting no where on my own. I needed his guidance. I had to go back. And so I would. I'd go back and show that little girl, she can't scare me away. Her pain means nothing… she's human, I'm not, and that will never be different.

I got up and shook the snow that had fallen on me off, and ran back to my car.

I'd go back, I wouldn't hurt her, she wouldn't die, and I would forever remain… alone.

* * *

AN: Yup… Electricity spooked Edward… poor kid doesn't have a clue what's coming his way… hehehe ^_^ R and R if you so please.


	10. Ch8: What the Future Holds

AN: Sorry this is late… I meant to have this up yesterday but, well, I've kind of been slightly ignoring Carlisle a bit, and when I decided to write his point of view, he decided he had a lot to say… Now As of last chapter, Edward was coming home on Friday. I'm jumping all the way back to Tuesday when Carlisle picks Alice up… just an FYI.

What the Future Holds

_CPOV_

To say I was confused would be an understatement. To be honest, I hadn't been this confused since Alice and Jasper walked through our door. I knew that the girl we had saved in L.A. had come to Forks, Alice had told Esme that before we all found Edward writhing in agony on his couch. When word went around that the Chief's daughter Isabella Swan was coming home, I knew I had heard the name before… I just hadn't taken the time to place it.

I knew Edward had decided to brave the pain her scent brought him, to prove he could control himself, I believed in him, but he needed to believe in himself. Under normal… well, under other circumstances, Edward would have likely already come to me for at least a word of reassurance, or perhaps just to vent his frustrations. But this wasn't normal, and Edward hadn't even said hello to me in the past two days.

Jasper had told me Edward was confused; too confused to put his confusion into words. I had thought time would bring him peace, I still hoped time would bring him peace, I just wish he hadn't run away. The last time he ran, God knows what it did to Esme… what it did to me. But this time he wasn't running towards his nature, he was running from it. It seemed as if there was never a true balance for our kind, at least not when we were alone.

I remembered my years alone before Edward as clear as I remember yesterday. The change in myself was beyond anything I could understand… it was permanent. Then there was Esme… a chance meeting, and then one suicide attempt a few years later, and Esme was mine as I was hers. With a mate, looking back on being alone… there is no balance for those who live in solitude. Even with a family, Edward has suffered greatly, and now he had run away with only a brief goodbye to Esme on the phone, and not a word to me.

As I pulled into the Swan's driveway, the irony was not hard to find that the same girl that had Edward running from home was the girl Alice claimed would be her best friend. This girl was causing an upheaval within my family, and Alice of all people was pursuing a friendship with the human. Alice had the basic skills needed to blend in, but nothing beyond that. Not enough skill to truly interaction with a human beyond shopping and staying inconspicuous in school. At this point I almost felt sorry for the girl, Bella. I could only imagine Alice had likely scared her with her enthusiasm.

Depending on how the next conversation went… if Alice was sound on this human friendship, I would have to teach Alice a thing or two about Americans, more specifically, human's of the Olympic Peninsula; that couldn't be found in anatomy and psychology and cultural books. But again that all depended on the next conversation with my surrogate daughter.

"See ya tomorrow Bella!" Alice closed the door behind her, though I was still able to hear the conversation inside.

"The Cullen's are good kids, haven't had an ounce of trouble with them." He paused for a moment as Alice opened the car door. "Doctor Cullen is a great man, probably a medical genius. It's a good thing his wife wanted to live in a small town. He's saved a lot of lives." I smiled at our cover, and the Chief's apparent gratitude. He was a man of few words, I had gathered that from the few times he had been at the hospital when escorting ambulances. None the less, already being on the good side of Bella's father would be to Alice's benefit. I pulled out of the driveway giving Alice a brief look.

She didn't look nearly as hyper as she had last night. She looked almost calm, which was unusual for her. She smiled at me, it wasn't over excited or uncontrollable, it was happy. Something I though only Jasper was capable of bringing to her face. After one conversation with Bella, she had calmed down, like the future she had been waiting for had finally come to pass. At least, it was beginning to.

"Don't go straight home." I looked at her questioningly.

"This conversation is going to take double the time." I turned around and went as if going to Port Angeles.

"Last night when you came home from work, I told you who Bella was." I nodded. "She remembers us, she knows what we are." The shock at that statement was taken in stride, considering what Edward had done in front of her, it was only logical that she would have guessed. Alice continued,

"I figure the best way to gain her trust is to trust her. I know we can, and I know she'll trust us, because she really doesn't have anyone else to trust. No one who can understand, Carlisle. She's smart, but she's not… she's not quite human."

"Alice the girl we left in the hospital was human." What was she getting at?

"I know she was, but I think, some of Edwards venom got into her blood stream, just a little bit. Just enough to start the process. I'm not sure, but I think she's still changing." Alice's eyes were on me, pleading with me to understand, I just didn't understand what it was that she wanted me to see.

"Alice what do you mean she's still changing?"

"I mean, she's still human, but her heartbeat is slower than a humans, her complexion is different, the sun makes her glow slightly and she can smell blood and it repulses her, I saw a vision of you comparing her blood work, to her blood work taken a few years ago compared to a normal human… I'm no doctor but I've been around you and Edward enough to know that things are way off, and she's always in pain. She needs us!" And things began to fall into place. Just a small amount of venom introduced to the bloodstream, continually being passed through, slowly changing the cells from the inside out. Her skin was affected by sunlight and her sense of smell had clearly been enhanced… her pulse was slower than a humans… But nine years of continued changing, and still not done?

"I got her to agree to see you, well at least she said you could get a sample of her blood if you wanted to look at it." I nodded. My brain began breaking ideas down. Theories as to of why her blood called to Edward, why it was the same now, even though she was changing. What were the differences between her and a human, how did she deal with the smell of her own blood, with it's probable difference did it even bother her. If more venom were introduced, how would the change progress… had she always been in pain? The change always brought on fire and brimstone, nearly literally sending our bodies through hell to become what we are. Was she becoming a vampire… was she going to be one of us? If her blood was different, was it really the reason why Edward left, or had it been something else? Was there something there? Was he…

"Why did Edward leave?"

"He's confused right now. I don't know entirely what it was, but something happened in their biology class. They were watching a movie and he touched her. I could see that she was in pain, more pain than is normal I would guess. Then he touched her, it looked like it went away, or at least it lessened. But I'm not sure, I wasn't there and Jasper was so overwhelmed by Edwards confusion, there was no telling what Bella was feeling…"

"Alice…"

"You can turn around." I did so. I had a feeling where this might be going. I had a feeling my son was going to be facing quite a few of his personal demons in the near future.

"Alice?"

"It's too fuzzy to say right now. There's been too little interaction between the two Carlisle, but one thing is for certain. Bella will be one of us. She is going to be my best friend. And more than likely if things go how they look to be going… Edward's not going to be alone anymore." I sighed leaning further back into the drivers seat. Change was once again on the horizon for all of us. For Edward. He'd been alone for so long. If Alice was indeed correct, once Esme knew, she'd be beyond happy. She hated seeing one of her children alone, as did I. He had always seen himself as complete on his own, while everyone else knew that he was not.

"I assume you haven't told him this." God knows what he would do if she had.

"No, he wouldn't take well to it." As I had figured.

"Any idea when he'll be back?" Esme would no doubt be worried to no extent until he came home.

"I know he'll be back sometime this weekend, maybe before. But he'll be back before Monday. And he'll be talking to you I'm sure."

"So you haven't seen it?" She seemed extraordinarily confident in the outcomes, for not having seen these things.

"No, but I've seen Edward and Bella… talking on Tuesday." She had hesitated at talking, what else would they be doing? Arguing? That thought almost put a smile on my face, it would be interesting to see Edward bother to "heatedly discuss" something with a… partial human. A partial human that I could only assume would have hated doctors. Considering her different blood work, I could imagine all the poking and prodding she would have been subjected to as a child.

"Alright. Any idea when Bella would be willing to see me?" Alice lit up as if I had mentioned shopping.

"Well, about that. I know I should have asked first… but well…" I smiled at her indulgently. Over the years I had gotten used to her bypassing the asking portion of… asking for something, though over the years, she had gotten better at, informing us of what she was going to do. That and with Edward around, he could tell us, if she didn't.

"Alice…"

"Well, she kind of doesn't have a wide range of clothing to wear in a Forks winter, so I though I could go shopping with her, as she kind of hates shopping, and we could talk and bond and twist information from each other on Friday." I laughed at her description, realizing that in a way, I had indeed mentioned shopping.

"Kind of hates shopping?" How in the world was Alice's best friend going to deal with the most avid shopper alive being her friend?

"Yeah, I know. But seeing as I like shopping, she can be there and I'll do most of it for her. Though she might be a bit miffed with me for paying for it." I raised my eye brow, not able to keep the smile from my face. This Bella sounded most interesting.

"And what is it that you say you should have asked about first?"

"Um, well I was kind of thinking maybe we could take your car?" The smell wouldn't bother me, and the others hardly drove in this. It was a practical choice.

"Thank you Carlisle!" She wrapped her arms around me in a quick hug. "So once again, depending on how things go, you'll either see her during the weekend, or if not, you'll for sure see her on Tuesday. " Tuesday again… with Edward and Bella "talking". We were entering Forks, only a few minutes from home.

"Alright, just let me know when."

"Will do." She smiled her contagious smile once more. As we neared our home, I began thinking about this girl, a girl who would more than likely become a daughter. I thought of her differences, and her pain. With the process slowed to an extraordinary degree, I could only hope that the pain had been reduced in kind. It would only make sense… no one could live in that kind of pain constantly… so how much pain had this caused her?

I had never heard of something like this before, but then again, generally humans don't walk away from an encounter with a vampire that involves venom. Regardless of my lack of knowledge I would look into it, I would look up Bella's old files, and I would wait patiently to meet her, I would wait for Edward to come home and talk to me, and I would wait for the future to unfold.

* * *

AN: Carlisle thinks a lot ^_^ tell me what you think!

Next chapter is up early next week… hopefully.


	11. Ch9: Pity the Human

AN: Sorry Sorry :-( Life has been throwing snowballs at me and I have been having difficulty dodging them, that and writers block decided to visit for a bit… and then left suddenly at 3:00 in the morning…yup! I wrote all of this last night/this morning… and looked it over this afternoon. So sorry this is late. I think giving myself deadlines is almost pointless sometimes… anywho, hope y'all enjoy! Lots of Alice/Bella bonding before brooding Edward comes back (say that ten times fast)

Disclaimer 1: I (DOS-L) do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does…

Disclaimer 2: I (Alice Cullen) do not own Edwards explanation of Vampires to Bella, but because Edward is currently gone, and I'm taking the time to befriend Bella and help her slowly into the Vampire world before she becomes one fully, I am using some of them, though presenting the few that I'm using in my own format… please, please forgive me *gives puppy dog look* Don't worry, Edward will still have his fair share of explaining to do ;-)

Pity the Human

_BPOV_

The rest of the week went rather smoothly. Alice backed off, maybe she knew I needed time to process everything… maybe she "saw" that I needed time to process everything. She would still smile at me every chance she got. The magnetic pull inside of my head was often if not always, to varying degrees, directed her way. It made me wonder how many different things a vampire could think about at the same time.

Edward was gone for the rest of the week of course, and the glares of anger, that came from the Cullen table on Wednesday, became looks of pity on Thursday, and finally grimaces of understanding on Friday. Perhaps Alice broke down and told them that I was different, or maybe they noticed differences themselves after all of that glaring. I didn't know. I could only assume that the vampire doctor knew at this point as well, if they did.

In school, Jessica's incessant chatter became a buzz in the background only requiring head nods and mumbles of agreement to placate her. The three boys that seemed to follow me wherever I went, almost always had my internal compass pointing at them when they were around me, it was nothing if not, unnerving.

I had never had problems with boys before. Back in Arizona, to be around me, was social suicide, as all newcomers learned. And social suicide wasn't worth it if I didn't pay any attention to you anyways. They'd look, they'd listen, then they would understand that I was different, and its only human to avoid what you don't understand. Along with the attention I seemed to garner from the boys, Lauren's looks of jealousy became looks of disdain and disgust, and hatred even. If only the shiny new toy syndrome would wear off. But there was one girl who didn't seem to judge me, or even the Cullens really.

Angela seemed like one of the last good people in existence. She made up for the ridiculousness of the rest… made humanity seem like it still had compassion… that not everything was about popularity and backstabbing bitches or getting laid. Angela was nice… as was the boy that was constantly staring at her from a few tables down, always looking down at his trig book when she looked his way.

Perhaps, not all was lost in today's world.

Charlie and I still managed a quite coexistence as we had every summer. At dinner, Charlie would always ask me how may day had gone, and I in turn asked how his went. Our conversations were short, the appreciation of our similar personalities, was always there, and had it not been for the existence of vampire's, we'd likely live this way for the next year and a half, or whenever Renee and Phil settled down

But inevitably, and all to quickly, the simplicity of my life came to an end when Alice informed me after school on Friday, that she would pick me up ten minutes after I got home. Just enough time to get ready. I had just finished putting some leftovers in the fridge with directions, a microwave time, when she knocked… she actually knocked this time. I smiled at that, for some reason. I put on my jacket and grabbed my hardly used purse and opened the door to a smiling Alice, again, it was the calming smile, the friendly one.

"Hi Bella!" I looked at the car and raised an eyebrow. "The BMW we've been driving to school is Rosalie's, and she dropped me off at the hospital to get Carlisle's car to come pick you up. She'll pick him up later." Her grin was practically contagious. She turned and motioned me forward and hopped in the drivers side as I got in the passengers side and buckled my seatbelt.

She was still smiling… and I noticed, her calming smile, it was the same one that had made me nervous earlier. The smile hadn't changed, that was just Alice, but how I saw it had changed… the voice in the back of my head that had told me to run had not resurfaced. My arm was supposed to hurt more when something dangerous was around, yet it almost seemed to hurt less in her presence… perhaps my sense of Self Preservation had truly died. Though I didn't think it was something I should mourn.

Then I looked at the Speedometer. I hadn't even realized she had pulled out of the driveway.

"Holy Crow, Slow Down!" Alice looked at me,

"What?"

"Too Fast!" She mumbled something, then more clearly,

"Don't worry, Vampires have excellent eye sight and extraordinary reflexes, 100 mph is not fast for us… I can run faster than this." My mouth was open as I gaped at her. She sighed, and the needle moved to Eighty… I could deal with Eighty, even though that was still well over the speed limit, it was a compromise… one that likely would have occurred verbally with anyone else… any other vampire that is.

"Thank you."

"Esme and sometimes Carlisle, are the only one's who find driving at this speed still practical, but Carlisle works at the hospital, and Esme helps out some in the community, and of course she has to go grocery shopping every once and a while, to keep up appearances, though with you hanging around… if you want, Esme would love to cook for you, I'm sure." She had said it all without taking a breath, and the resounding silence was deafening. I wasn't quite ready for hanging out with Vampire mom just yet.

"So, um… what do you do with it all?"

"We donate it to different charity organizations," I nodded my head in approval, at least they didn't let things go to waste, and it was incredibly good natured of them, "Because of my slight shopping addiction, we hardly wear anything more than once or twice, so all of the clothes go to places like goodwill or the salvation army." I began wondering just how "loaded" the Cullen's were.

"How…" I wasn't going to use that exact phrasing but Alice already saw that one coming, I guess.

"The stock market is an excellent investment when you can see where things are going to end up before they do." And considering Carlisle was a doctor… very "loaded".

"Don't worry Bella, we don't hoard. We live forever you know, there's no reason to be greedy… although we are extraordinarily well off as is. I could show you our portfolios, but the numbers would probably scare you."

"Yeah, I think I'll pass." We both chuckled, though hers was a bell like laugh. It was quiet for a bit, which surprised me some… until she burst out giggling, like a symphony of bells. Her phone was at her ear in an instant.

"Esme, he's coming home, I'll be there about ten minutes before he gets back." There was some mumbling on the other side to which I couldn't make out. "Alright." And then the phone was gone.

"Just to let you know, Edward will be back on Monday."

"Okay… is he…" I had managed to keep thinking about him to a minimum. But whenever I did, it almost seemed like my thoughts jumped ship, got into another lane, got into another car altogether. It was unnerving.

"He'll be okay, like I said, he just had to sort a few things out… speaking of which, what happened in Biology If I may ask?" I'm not sure if I would have answered her anyway, because I didn't know, I thought she would have… but as I looked out the window, only one thing came to mind.

"Why are we not stopping…?" I looked at the clock, "And how did we get here so fast?" She grimaced slightly.

"Oh, um… I may have slightly lied to your father, but I told you we were going to Seattle, for a late night shop, and as for how we got to Port Angeles so quickly… I'm going much faster than Eighty when your not paying attention." I wasn't amused, but I was thankful for her honesty… so I just decided to quell my instinctual fear of speed and decided to just not pay attention.

"Excellent! We will get there much sooner that way." That was the idea. It was quiet once again, and I almost asked if we could turn the radio on, but Alice spoke up.

"I'm sorry I seemed so… hyper, at first." I smiled, and attempted not to laugh. Hyper was a huge understatement. "It's just… you know how when you've read a good book and you hear that it has a sequels coming out?" I nodded my head, one could tend to be impatient waiting for sequels. "You're impatient for it to come out, so that you can read more about the characters and what they're going to do next, and when you get it, you start reading really fast from excitement, but then you realize, you can only read it the first time once, so you slow down and enjoy it, and pray to god it doesn't disappoint… it's kind of like that."

It made sense it a strange kind of way, and it was even more strange that Alice had found an analogy that would make sense to me… but again, this was Alice,

"So what… this is a Sequel then?" I asked her. She smiled and contemplated it,

"I guess… something like that anyway." She turned on the radio, but it was on softly.

"Thanks!"

"Yep, but you never did answer the question." I sighed,

"Didn't Edward tell you?" I was instantly confused by my own statement, or rather my increased heart rate. Alice laughed, whether at my reaction or at my assumption, I couldn't be sure.

"No, he took of pretty quick, not a word, and not a decision, other than to come back, either." She sounded disgruntled, I laughed at it… then she laughed at it too.

"I don't honestly know. What I do know is that my scar started… pulsing, to the point of pain, and when Edward touched me, it seemed to dissipate and left a… pleasant thrum in its place while we were still touching."

"Then why were both of your arms locked in place in front of your chest… it didn't look like pain at first." So she had seen it… I dropped my head into my hands in embarrassment. I decided to tell her, hoping that maybe, I wouldn't have to say it out loud. I waited a moment before I heard the muffled ringing that was her laugh.

"Out loud Bella, it will be good to get it off of your chest."

"Itwassoididn'ttouchhim."

"I take it you were resisting an all powerful need then?" She asked, a smile clearly in her voice.

"Yes, and I didn't fail, he did… enough about me, tell me more about you then." I asked her hoping desperately to get the topic off of me. I really didn't want to talk about me anymore. She sighed… giving in, thankfully.

"What do you want to know?" I wanted to know a lot of things, but the first thing that came to mind was why the Cullen's looked at me with pity,

"Did you tell everyone?"

"Just Carlisle at first, he wanted to know why I was so insistent that my best friend was a human, the others wanted to know, so I told my siblings to look at you, pay attention to you… they noticed. And I told them a few things, they figured out some on their own after that. We'll try to block him, but it's inevitable that Edward will know."

"Block him?" She turned to face me fully, her grin like that of the Cheshire cat.

"That is for him to tell you, not me… though I will give you the hint."

"Okay."

"I'm not the only Vampire that has a special ability. Jasper, my husband…"

"Wait, husband?"

"Yes, Rose and Emmett are married as well."

"Huh… I knew Vampires had mates, but I never thought about…" I trailed off,

"A lot don't. Most don't, but because of how we live, Esme and Carlisle did, so have the rest of us… except Edward of course." Just that little fact, the fact that the mated couples had married, made them seem just a little more human. The next question was based off an errant thought that I managed to grab and mangle before it made it's way out of my lips. I was not going to ask that! Alice was smirking which made me wonder if she had already seen the question, and then me deciding not to say it… Alice was making me question a lot of things. I almost wished I could read _her_ mind, just to know what I was dealing with. But somehow, I knew that would not be a pleasant experience.

"So you were in the middle of giving me a hint?"

"Yes but you made a hint of your own, of a different sort back on Tuesday, I had almost forgotten." What a pain it must be to live forever and forget so much, unless they didn't and Alice was pulling my leg. She turned the music up higher for a while, as I tried to think about what I had said on Tuesday… for the life of me I couldn't figure it out. What hint?

"We're here!" I looked up, I hadn't felt the car stop. It was so odd how time flew when you were thinking, then I looked at the clock and decided that we must have almost, flown ourselves. It had taken less than half the time to get here than it should have.

Shopping with Alice had been far less stressful than clothes shopping with my mother. I saw the signs for the places we went into, and they weren't places I would normally go, but Alice threw stuff at me to try on, and said she'd decided what to get and told me I could look at the selection tomorrow morning. I gritted my teeth in frustration, I _was_ going to see what I was getting before I paid for it.

Over all it was a slightly dizzying process, quick and precise, though it occurred multiple times in multiple stores. I didn't even think about checking the price tags, a lot of the stuff I would never wear, and the stuff I would was probably way too expensive. I don't know what Alice was up to, but surely she knew that I didn't need all of this… a simple trip to Wall-mart or K-mart would have sufficed, maybe even JC Penney's, or Kohl's during clearance, at the most… but not all this brand name stuff. Every time I changed back into my clothes, she already had stuff in bags. I _would _repay her later. When she took me to the food court, she whipped out her credit card and told me,

"Get over it Bella, I told you I was paying for this." I muttered a few choice explicative's, in my head only, as I'm sure my current demeanor said enough. She, frustratingly although not surprisingly, pretended I was actually happy she was paying for this. HAH! Yeah right. At least she kept the torture down to a minimum.

After eating my Pizza, she dragged me, yes, dragged me, into Victoria's Secret. I did not dare under any circumstances look into the mirror, I could not stand seeing my scar, nor could I stand to see myself exposed in my underwear. As always Alice was quick about it, leaving little time for my blush to blossom under her scrutiny, except for once,

"Definitely likes that color Blue on you." My blush was immediate, under her smirk and appreciative gaze. "Don't worry Bella, you won't be using this for a while, but I want you to have it for when you do." I didn't want to ask how she knew that… nor who she was talking about… even though a new subconscious voice was ramming the name in my face… I ignored it.

"Oh… Okay." I swallowed. That was the only lacy bra she got me. The rest were normal… who knew Victoria's Secret had normal bra's? After our trip through VS, Alice was merciful and before I could begin to whine about my feet hurting and being tired she told me to grab a few bags, and she grabbed the rest, it was quite a lot… more than I needed, and more than I could ever pay for, not that I could ever tell how much it was. She had ripped all the price tags off… Little Pixie!

Why did I agree to this?

Oh, right, so that I could find out more about vampires… though I really hadn't found out that much, I hadn't really found that much about Alice either, yet.

We were back in the car, and Alice turned the radio down again, I didn't have to ask. She gave in and told me that Jasper was an empath, that he could feel others emotions, and influence them as well. She told me that when he was human, before he had been changed, he had been a charismatic soldier who had quickly made it to the rank of Major.

"Carlisle has a theory about it, that maybe we bring our strongest human traits into this life, and they expand even further, like everything else does… our speed, our strength, our emotions, Jazz has told us many times that Human feelings are much weaker than Vampire feelings. Humans are easier to manipulate… every so often he and the boys get a good laugh or two from it, and always get whacked in the head by the women of the house thereafter." I chuckled at that, it just seemed so… Alice. Though I still didn't understand how Telling me about Jasper was a hint about "blocking Edward," though I knew I would get no more out of her. So instead I asked her, what she had been as a human…

"I don't know." She remembered nothing of her human life, It was just a blank slate.

We had both slipped into our own thoughts. She had managed to tell me a lot about while skirting some of the more Vampiric issues, I didn't press it, not yet anyway… Alice had said we would be great friends; to be honest, I didn't doubt that anymore. That just meant there would be more time to find things out, and I was almost positive, that I would find them out... eventually. I was pulled into darkness unknowingly and was awoken while dreaming of an Alice coo coo clock, saying "Shopping, Shopping". I've always had strange dreams.

"What?" I mumbled.

"I called Charlie earlier, it's 11:30, he waited up for you, I'll go in with you and bring up a few bags, I'll bring in the rest through your window. I didn't think about how Charlie would react to all of this, but apparently he would freak, he doesn't know me well enough yet, so we're keeping most of this under the radar."

"My window Squeaks."

"I know, it'll be taken care of." She pulled me up, I was dead on my feet. Shopping had worn me out. Alice came in and out saying good night to Charlie as I took a few minutes to be Human. I opened the door after my nightly ritual minus the shower was completed, I would take one in the morning.

"Did you have fun?" My dad asked. I thought about it…

"Surprisingly yes, though not the shopping part, just the hanging out part." He laughed tiredly.

"Sleep in kid."

"Thanks dad." I went into my room closing the door behind me, changed, and climbed into bed. I felt short cool breeze on my face as I close my eye's, then a cold kiss on my forehead.

"Good night Bella."

"Night Alice."

And I fell into sweet oblivion.

* * *

AN: Whoo… that was a wee bit longer than I was expecting. Edward returns home next chapter YAY! Going to be Edward POV… Possibly some Esme Point of view to start us off… we'll see... R and R!


	12. Ch10: It is Worth the Pain

AN: So I decided to skip the Esme point of view, as Edwards work just as well if not better… I hope you like this chapter, As always Edward is doing a lot of thinking, and he ends up skirting what he knows is coming, but he doesn't acknowledge such... what that means, you'll just have to read. And personally I thought I was going to fit Monday into this chapter… but it just didn't happen, doesn't mean Bella's not in this chapter, a little bit… (*cough* _stalker_ *cough*)

Disclaimer: I no own Twilight. SM does.

It is Worth the Pain

EPOV

I had blasted the radio all the way home. I hadn't wanted to think about anything… hadn't thought about how I was going to deal with everyone… how I would explain my sudden absence after deciding that I could handle it… I didn't want to think about her, or the strange electric pulse that had been there during class… so I just didn't think at all. It was, and not surprisingly, difficult. But I just listened the music while singing along and solving differential equations while actually concentrating on the road and taking in the scenery. It kept me busy enough. I just didn't have a clue what was waiting for me at home.

The first thing I was met with was Esme's embrace, to which I returned briefly. I looked to Carlisle,

"I'm sorry." The relief my return brought him was clear,

"It's alright son, your back now." Every time I left unexpectedly, they'd always worry that I would have a repeat of my rebellion. I knew that would never happen, just the same, my leaving had scarred Esme and Carlisle, both in different ways for different reasons. I doubted their worry would ever truly abate.

The second thing I was met with was Bella, and suddenly I wasn't hugging Esme, I was holding on to her for support. God, the venom pooled and my mind became a haze. I couldn't concentrate on my families thoughts, it almost seemed like they were blocking me. What reason would they have for that though? Why was Bella here, I wanted her close, I wanted to brush her hair with my fingers, I wanted to brush my lips across her wrist, I wanted to hold her, I wanted to sink my teeth into her delicate neck, I wanted her close, I wanted… I wanted… The venom flow stilled and the haze disappeared slowly and my mind once again became my own, as Alice stepped away.

"Oops! I haven't changed yet" I looked at her incredulously.

_We went shopping._

I looked at Carlisle, surely he couldn't be okay with this,

_Alice has assured us that the human will not be a threat._

Not a threat, was he insane? Was I? Esme stepped back, smiling.

_I'm glad your back._ I nodded my head,

"You look like Hell Eddie." I bristled at the nickname, and glared at Emmett for it. He just laughed… _Dude you sooooo need to get laid!_ before I could remove any limbs, Jasper came down the stairs bringing a calming wave with him… odd, I hadn't noticed that he wasn't here before.

_Huh… Alice was right. She usually is._

"About what?" I asked, he smirked.

"Did I say that out loud?" I rolled my eyes. No he hadn't. Rosalie paid no attention to me, so I paid no attention to her, as per usual.

"Go take a shower and get changed Edward, we have a few things to talk over." I raised a questioning eyebrow at Alice, _Just go change._ She rolled her eyes.

I walked into my room, surprised that Esme hadn't berated me more, I deserved it… but all of their thoughts were rather… occupied. Everyone busied themselves with their normal activities as they waited for me. I laughed when I saw that Alice had set out clothes for me, though I really shouldn't have, that was normal. The shower was quick as always, however the neat pile of clothes was missing a shirt. Alice never, _never_, forgot something like that. Vampire's didn't forget things. I was about to ask her, when I realized she and Jasper were having a… moment. So I, albeit suspiciously, entered my closet.

Within the haze, I didn't hear the door shut behind me, I didn't register the fact that I was on my knees, I didn't think about my family, or how they were all in on this. The only thing I saw in front of my closed eyes, were those caring brown eyes that had asked my sister,

"_Will he be alright?"_

I could have stopped breathing, but I didn't. I could have yelled, I could have screamed, I could have gotten angry, but I didn't. Because I didn't want to hurt her, not again. I suffered in what I assumed was silence, it might not have been, I honestly wasn't paying attention. I was just focusing on the memory of her eyes, her beautiful, brown, incredibly deep, expressive eyes.

The pain in my throat was slowly dwindling… not dwindling so much as I was getting used to it. I already knew that it wasn't as bad as it had been the first few times, and after a while I realized, I can do this, and I would. I don't know how long it had been but when I had enough presence of mind to know that I had at least partially re-acclimated to Bella's scent, I realized Esme was here, holding me. She was softly humming a lullaby that her mother had sung to her as a child, and she in turn had sung to the child in her womb and for the short time the boy was alive after he was born.

When her son died, Esme had felt life was no longer worth living… from what I had gathered, she had been singing that lullaby shortly before she jumped off a cliff to end her life, humming her song of peaceful rest all the way to heaven. But she didn't die. Even with all of the pain she experienced throughout her change, the lullaby played on repeat within her mind, until her very last heart beat.

She had thought the pain was her punishment for running from her abusive husband, she hadn't expected another chance at life… a chance at a truly everlasting love. Even knowing the pain of having every bone in her body crushed, even knowing the pain of the transformation, even knowing the constant burn in her throat, even knowing that she can no longer have children, if given the choice… she would have gone through it again, if it meant that she could keep Carlisle forever.

Now whenever she found herself wishing for a second chance at being human, she would hum the tune out loud, reminding herself of her love for Carlisle, and his love for her. It reminded her that it didn't matter if she had a second chance, because this is where she would undoubtedly end up, the same place with the same… people.

I never meant to pry, but whenever she hummed that song, Jasper had noted that she generally went from being regretful, to being happy by the end of her lullaby, I had wondered what it meant, and after analyzing her thoughts I understood. The thing was, right now, her thoughts did not match the ones she normally had during this process…

…_The Pain experience to spend time with your love is more than worth it. Edward is so strong, I'm so very proud of him, for not running away from this. I hope Alice isn't pushing him too far, I pray she isn't pushing Bella too fast…_

Having her sing that to me, knowing the significance of it to her, and hearing her thoughts along with the underlying need to meet Bella… it made me nervous. Having been held by my mother, unable to move, and unable to hear anyone… it made me feel vulnerable and weak… They were not altogether unfamiliar feelings, humans had them all the time and Jasper had a hell of a time in school with it, either amplifying it to play with them or trying to ignore it… but having them myself, that was new. Most of the feelings I'd been feeling lately were new, and most of them were because of Bella.

Not understanding… It was something that I didn't like, something that I wanted to disappear so that I didn't have to deal with it. I didn't want to be confused, I _hated _feeling like this! I opened my eyes and sat up suddenly, breaking away from Esme's embrace and startling her.

_Oh Edward_. I saw how I looked in her eyes. I had to pull it together. No human girl was going to pull me apart at the seams. I had no reason to succumb to my nature and kill the girl, I had no reason to be intrigued by a silent mind, I would prove both to myself… any conviction, and every thought that I had come home with were forgone as a new plan formed in my mind… I would talk to the girl… the girl, not Bella, and I would prove to myself that I could be stronger than the monster, and I would prove that the girl, though her thoughts were silent, were no more intriguing than any other girl in existence.

I had managed a 180, after I had the time to think about it, when I wasn't desperate, and alone. Same ending, different path, either way, Bel… the girl would not die. I shook my head breaking out of my reverie and looked at Esme who was eyeing me curiously.

I looked above her, avoiding eye contact when I saw woman's clothing hanging inside my closet. Before I could ask, Alice's thoughts explained,

_Sorry Edward. Not everything I bought fit into Bella's closet, so since your closet had room, I just figured I'd kill two birds with one stone._ I growled at her, and she laughed. She was going to pay!

_Hey look on the bright side, all of your clothes smell like her now, so you'll never be away from it, you will desensitize quicker, and you'll always have a part of her with you. _Before I could growl at her again, I realized that thought was somewhat satisfying.

_Oh, and if your wondering why they smell like her… it's because I had her try it all on, even though she didn't need to with me there._ I groaned at the torture the poor girl had gone through because of my sister. I hope Alice hadn't scared her off…

Though I should… shouldn't I?

"Edward, are you alright?" I looked at Esme and nodded my head,

"Yeah, I'm fine." I got up and went to grab a shirt from my hanging stockpile…

_Three more to the right brother. Men… they have no sense of fashion… then again neither do some women. _She laughed out loud as a picture of B… the girl flashed through her mind. _If she had gone shopping on her own, it would not have ended well._

"Do I get to hear the joke, Darlin?"

"Just thinking that the world has one less badly dressed person walking around in it. It makes me happy."

_You were so happy when you met me, and when we claimed each other… you were even happier. Then we found the Cullens… I didn't think anyone could be happier than you were then… I was wrong. When I meet Bella, I must thank her._

When… not if?

My shirt was buttoned up as Esme, who's mind had been surprisingly silent, gave one last appraising look,

_I'm sorry we sent you in here without telling you, but Alice said you wouldn't react well, not that you've been reacting well to anything as of late. _She smiled patiently at me, I grimaced. _Alice sent Emmett and Rosalie for a quick hunt, when they get back we will have our family meeting. Until then, Carlisle is in his study._

I couldn't keep the cringe off of my face. I hadn't been avoiding him per say, but… it had been a long time since I had to rely on him for advice, for help, for anything really. I was his oldest, and was fairly self sustaining. Complete in myself in a family of three couples. We talked often, debated, discussed, reviewed, revised… sometimes we just talked. He was the closest thing I had to a father now, and above all, though Alice and I were certainly close, Carlisle was still my best friend. The man I could rely on, the one who would always understand… the thing was, I didn't know if he could understand if I didn't? If I couldn't articulate how I was feeling, how then was he to help me, how was I to go to him, uncertain and unsure of myself?

"Come in," he said, before I had the chance to knock on the door. I opened and closed the door behind me leaning against it as Carlisle looked out the massive window looking out into the trees and the river. His mind twirling with thoughts of me, how I had grown… from an adolescent teenager to a private old man. I chuckled.

"I'm not that bad… am I?" He turned to face me, his face patient and withholding a grimace as he showed me my actions… not just since the mall incident, but before that even. Holed up in my room, choosing to be alone until someone came and dragged me out. School forced me out, and sometimes I'd go for a drive, and a lot of times I'd go running when I couldn't stand my room anymore, but all of this was often done alone. I could not meet his gaze.

"Talk to me Edward." He was pleading with me, how long had it been since we had truly last talked?

"How long?"

"Three years." Had it really been that long since I had come to him to vent? I checked my own memories… Just over three years.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shut you out." And I hadn't… time just seemed to pass me by, as it all to often did.

"I know." _I know, but you have to know that what you are dealing with, you do not have to face alone Edward, we are a family, and no matter what you seem to think sometimes, you do not stand on your own… What is it that troubles you son?_

How could I look at him and tell him that I do not know? How do I tell him that I ran away because of uncertainty? I walked forward crossing the study to look out at the forest, counting the leaves on each tree, as I formulated what I was going to say…

"Edward?" _Stop thinking about it, just say what you feel, start where your confusion begins. _

So I let down my mental blockade, and let him in, as I should have done in the first place. Sometimes just venting thing out to Carlisle I would reach my own answer, sometimes all I needed was an ear, to listen to me, and a hand to guide me… that was Carlisle.

"… It's hard to tell the difference between who I am and what I am, sometimes. No time has that difference ever been more noticeable than when I saved that little girl in the parking lot. We were no where near her, we were upwind, I wouldn't have caught her scent, I have no reason why I should have gone after her, why I should have once again played judge and jury, I don't know why Alice had been having visions of her, I don't know anything when it comes to her… and then she just shows up and screws with my head again. It's like I don't matter, the only thing that matters is this girl who has made me ruin sixty years of denial, and I don't know why I let her… I won't let her do it again, I don't care, she means nothing, she is nothing, her silent mind is still silent, her blood still smells too sweet… but she won't ruin me again." I stated in finality.

"You blame her for your confusion then?" He asked, his mind full of nothing more than pure curiosity.

"Yes."

"Why?" The question echoed in his thoughts…

"Because she's confusing." my eyes narrowed what was he getting at?

"Are you sure its not your own reactions to her that is confusing you."

"No, why would you think that." My hesitation was slight but it was noticeable. He smiled.

_Is it just her blood that you are pulled to? _I began growling at his suggestion. _Don't become defensive Edward, I am only trying to help._

"I don't know, that's the problem." I sighed angrily. She was an enigma that attracted my mind and my senses to her… I did know that, I didn't like it, I didn't want it, I didn't understand it, I didn't want to deal with it!

"Well," _what do you plan on doing? Do you have a plan? Tomorrow will be…_

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes, you were in your room all of Saturday."

"A Day?"

_Yes, though you were only struggling with the scent for a few hours._ I could not keep the confused look off of my features. _With time, answers will come for you Edward, I'm sure._

"Now do you have some idea of how you are going to approach this?" Alice knocked at the door then._ May I come in?_

"Come in Alice." She smiled brightly at me, then turned to face Carlisle.

"Now to answer the question that Mr. Confused has been avoiding, he's going to talk to her to prove to himself that he can overcome his nature and that her mind is like every other human girls." I rolled my eyes at her as she nodded at herself as if pulling them from a memory, though only a soundless vision of the Girl and I talking in Biology was running through her mind. Carlisle grinned at her, almost like he was in on something that she knew about… but they had made no mental note of, or any attempt to hide anything… "And Rose and Emmett will be back soon, and everyone is alright with it, but just for grins let's have a family meeting anyway. I smiled and moved to ruffled her hair, but she ducked well before I reached her,

"Ah! No touching the hair!" Carlisle chuckled, as we heard the door slam downstairs and I saw Esme's mental cringe at Emmett's lack of care for our home.

"Honey, we're home!" I shook my head in amusement as Carlisle motioned for us to go down stairs.

_And so the silent sufferer has emerged from his human scented hole in the wall._ I glared at him to keep from laughing at his reference to my closet, it was a good thing Alice couldn't read minds or Emmett would have been burned a very long time ago. We all took our seats, everyone asking the same basic questions. What happened? and What are you going to do now?

"Edward," Carlisle sat, down with the rest of us, as I stood… a formality Carlisle liked to keep, the person whom things concerned stood as they spoke. It kept things from turning into a fight, it kept things civil.

"I know," Everyone smirked at that statement before I could get any further, "Right, anyway her scent mixed with not knowing what she was thinking or what she was going to do next didn't mix with each other well. I acted quite rudely to her and I wouldn't be half surprised if she wanted nothing to do with us," Alice coughed then raised her hand.

_Let me smooth things over for you with Rosalie, with her on board, your actions won't cause a fight._ I nodded to her the question clear on my face… what actions? I sat as Alice stood.

"I know," Once again with the smirking, only this time I was included and Alice was not, "I know that, you all don't quite understand why I want to be friends with her, or where the vision of her and I being friends came from. I don't entirely know either, all I know is that I've been having visions of her ever since shortly after she was born. I don't know what this means, all I know is that she will likely need us at some point, for what… it's still very fuzzy, the further time goes on, the clearer it gets, but at this point we should all try to not to make her mad at us, as she does know what we are,"

Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie all though of a meeting they had held as soon as Carlisle had gotten home on Tuesday after I had left… she had told them that she was well aware of what we are and that I had more difficulty with her blood than the rest of them. Alice had also assured them that the girl posed no threat, and that she had no intentions of revealing who we are. That still didn't sit well with Rosalie and Jasper, but if Alice was sure of her friendship, Jasper would not begrudge her that, particularly because of how happy she had been in the past week,

"That being said, Edward, you need to get back on her good side, don't fight as if you do, she might accidentally use the wrong words in her anger, tipping the other humans off to either our difference or her insanity, as the would see it. We don't want that to happen, agreed?" She looked at everyone, they all nodded, agreeing. She sat and Carlisle looked to me, to see if I had anything to add, I shook my head no, and he stood.

"Alright, Alice, be careful with Bella, remember that she doesn't have the advantage of foresight, and this is all still new to her." She nodded, "And Edward, smooth things over with her, show that you mean no ill will towards her." I nodded, knowing that it wasn't so much for her as it was for me, to prove that she was just another human. "Does anyone have anything else they would like to add?"

_I hope this turns out all right._

_The pain is worth it, it always is._

_Alice is so happy._

_I can't wait for school!_

_I wonder if this Bell would be up for some pranks?_

_Hmm… I need to repaint my nails._

They were normal thoughts for each of my family members, but everything felt… off. Everything was feeling, off, lately. Maybe it was just me?

"Alright, meeting adjourned." The sun was already setting, each pair already beginning to think of what would come in the night… we all stood, I was going to go to my room to listen to music,

"Edward, I know you've gorged, but find some small game tonight, it will make it easier, if only a little."

"Alright Alice." I left them to their nightly activities, and found a small deer to quench the burn that had been left by wearing clothes with the smell of Be… the girl, on them.

I almost hadn't registered it throughout talking to Carlisle, and the family meeting… and I had been in pain for only a few hours of the day I had spent drowned in… Bella's scent, it really wouldn't work as I talked to her, to call her, "the girl" I'd have to call her Bella, so why fight how my brain was thinking of her… by name?

I hadn't really been paying attention to where I had been running after the deer. Generally when that happened, I just ended up in my meadow, or back at the house… so you can imagine my surprise when I ended up on the edge of the Swan's lawn.

"What the hell are you doing Edward?" I whispered to myself. Vampires didn't do things like this absentmindedly. They had the equivalent of autopilot, but this is not where my "autopilot" lead to. So why was I here?

I was about to turn around, but something held me in place for a few extra seconds… enough to hear her,

"Alice, no more clothes!" I couldn't help the laugh that left my lips as relief washed over me… Relief caused by hearing her voice. I heard the rustling of sheets and a sigh, and then deep steady breathing. So she talked in her sleep then? That was worth further investigation, her voice came from the room right next to the tree, I could easily jump up and… What?

No it was not worth further investigation, she was sleeping, in her house! I couldn't just break and enter out a curiosity that shouldn't be there. Yes they were unfiltered thoughts that escaped her lips, but… they were not mine to hear. Her mind wasn't for me to hear so there was no point to me hearing her dream, no point to going into her room, no point to being so fascinated with her…

_Is it just her blood that you are pulled to? _Carlisle had asked me… No, the scent was just the cover of a good book, one you never wanted to put down, a story you never wanted to end…

"It's too green." I turned and I ran back home, and as I ran, I could have sworn I heard my name roll from her lips. If she had, it was probably a nightmare, and if it wasn't… it was probably just my imagination, just wishful thinking… hoping that she didn't hate me, hoping that the pulse that caused her pain would not appear again, hoping that the need to touch her would not overcome all of my sensibility, hoping that above all, the wall between me and reality would not fall, because if it did… questions would be pointless when the answer was right in front of me… and I doubted that the inevitable answer was something I could deal with…

I had seen this happen before, when the way you think begins to change; when your mind begins to ponder the interest in another. Carlisle and Rose had experienced, and to a degree, so had Esme and Emmett. I had been ignoring my own mind, but the others hadn't.

I know Esme knew something instinctually, and Alice knew something… she had seen something, something that she had confided in Carlisle and more than likely Jasper. They had told me nothing because it was a path that was walked by two, and two alone, to reach the final destination…

But Bella was human, that was something I could never take away from her. She would never understand it, she deserved so much more; so this obsession had to end here. I would do as my family asked, I'd talk to Bella. But I would not fall, I could not fall, not for her... anyone but her.

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AH: Heehee… read and review,

Monday and… Tuesday (aka "The Van" day) are next ! No worries, it's in Bella's POV, I need a break from Edwards brain, you know?


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